Don't Look Back

The Tale of the Scientist and the Artist

So I will start with a beautiful story. A young dashing brilliant student from Germany came to the states in the 1930's to continue his education in physics. His quest to live his religion had led him from the heart of an increasingly dangerous battleground to the peaceful campus of Brigham Young University. He would eventually earn three degrees from the wonderful institution, including a PhD in both Physics and Mathematics. Soon he was drafted and served in the military for two years, before coming home to prepare for a mission. Due to his ability to speak German, imagine his surprise when he was called to Finland- a mission he honorably served and a language he still speaks to this day. Yet the best part of the story is still to come. Upon returning home, he met a young artist. A beautiful woman who could capture a heart in a brushstroke, portray a story in pottery, and create a dream in a frame. Their respective backgrounds connected in melodies and harmonies. Their love for music came from different places but rang just as true. They were sealed for time and all eternity and set off on the grandest adventure- marriage. Now they are in their eighties. He still teaches one class every semester at the local university, while her hand is no longer steady enough to sculpt or paint. Her creations adorn every wall of their quaint home and his experiments cover the desks. Their music runs through everything. This isn't just another Mormon couple success story. I now have the privilege of working for this darling couple several times a week. While he teaches, I stay with his wife and do basic housecleaning. Their life is simple. She eats the same thing for breakfast every morning and they pray together throughout the day. It's only part time, but I think I need them more than they need me. To be in a home filled with that kind of love and devotion for each other and for the Lord is humbling and inspiring. Tender mercies.

Maybe some of you already know about barnacles and Portland, but for those of you like me who didn't know, let me explain. Actually, President Monson explained it better in a talk in 1988 saying, "To some it may seem strange to see ships of many nations loading and unloading cargo along the docks at Portland, Oregon. That city is 100 miles from the ocean. Getting there involves a difficult, often turbulent passage over the bar guarding the Columbia River and a long trip up the Columbia and Willamette Rivers. But ship captains like to tie up at Portland. They know that as their ships travel the seas, a curious salt water shellfish called a barnacle fastens itself to the hull and stays there for the rest of its life, surrounding itself with a rock-like shell. As more and more barnacles attach themselves, they increase the ship’s drag, slow its progress, decrease its efficiency. Periodically, the ship must go into dry dock, where with great effort the barnacles are chiseled or scraped off. It’s a difficult, expensive process that ties up the ship for days. But not if the captain can get his ship to Portland. Barnacles can’t live in fresh water. There, in the sweet, fresh waters of the Willamette or Columbia, the barnacles loosen and fall away, and the ship returns to its task lightened and renewed. Sins are like those barnacles. Hardly anyone goes through life without picking up some. They increase the drag, slow our progress, decrease our efficiency. Unrepented, building up one on another, they can eventually sink us. In His infinite love and mercy, our Lord has provided a harbor where, through repentance, our barnacles fall away and are forgotten. With our souls lightened and renewed, we can go efficiently about our work and His.” In another talk, "getting to fresh water" refers to going to holy places, especially the temple, where we can get the barnacles off. Saturday I was able to go to the Chicago temple for the endowment and sealing of a young couple in my ward. It wasn't 100 miles up the Columbia, but it was 200 miles in a snow storm. At one point the van spun off the road, but the whole trip was worth it just to get to fresh water. I love how in the temple you can get the barnacles off, give your burden over to the Lord, and feel peace enough to be able to discover and find answers. 

When Coming Home Feels Like Leaving

For couple weeks now I've been falling asleep expecting to wake up 1000 miles away in my missionary apartment. I put on my jacket and reach to adjust my tag only to realize it's not there. I'm enjoying listening to music and watching shows, but a part of me struggles to justify spending the time to just sit. There is the adjustment to the fact that my little brother is not so little anymore and my baby sister now has a boyfriend!! (Yeah, still not liking that one a lot) I miss Houston and my missionary companions and the wonderful incredible amazing people. Yet, I know I am supposed to be here right now. Sigh.

Life is about change and progression. About taking who I was yesterday, who I am today, and making myself into who I need to become tomorrow. Life is treasuring the gems of today, the tender mercies and tough times, and still looking forward to the future. It's learning when to let go and what to hold onto, and how to know which one. So I'm taking it all with me. My mission has become a huge part of me, but it is not the defining moment, the end all of my progression--it is a stepping stone. 

Coming home has been out of balance for me. During the mission, the scope of areas in your life are more limited. One strives to balance companionship, investigator, and member relationships, learn teaching skills and new languages, deepening spirituality, etc. Most other areas are limited or ignored during this time. Returning brings back to life each of those neglected categories so naturally it takes a little time to find a balance again. I'm ready for the challenge and I'm looking forward to this next stage of my life.

Throughout the process of my mission I was able to heal from many things. More than that, I learned how to heal. I gave burdens to the Lord and felt Him lead me through trials. This is me saying goodbye to everything I was carrying before and saying hello to the beginning of a lifetime pursuit on the path of discipleship. This is me saying thank you and I love you to everyone in the Texas Houston Mission- thank you for all the lessons, the tears, and the laughter. Thank you for molding me into the woman I've become. God be with ya'll til we meet again. 

Til I See You Again