Life Goes On

Earlier this week a coworker left work early in a frenzy when she learned her son was in a diabetic coma. We encouraged her to just go and covered her work for the rest of the day. Today I asked how he was doing and she let us know he is in ICU and not doing well. We spoke for several minutes and then returned to work. I once again focused on the paperwork in front of me, but felt an immediate stab of guilt for moving on to such normal activities when others' lives are cracking and crumbling. Does anyone else feel this guilt?

 

At particularly challenging moments in my life I will admit to feeling frustration and annoyance when others around me could continue with normal daily activities. Some moments stand out more than others. When my uncle, Andy, and then my grandfather each passed away, so did a part of me, for awhile at least. To watch others carrying on was, in my grief, upsetting at times. Why couldn't everything just stop? Why can't the world slow down so I can mourn properly? It's like asking why we don't have rain for every funeral or vacation days we can take after every heartbreak.

 

But that was the first stage for me. Soon after, I realized that more than anything I wanted the world to keep moving, for life to keep changing, growing, and challenging me. I want friends around to me to find joy and progress in their lives, even if sometimes I feel left behind. Because it reminds me of all the incredible and wonderful experiences and moments that are still here for me. Now, I find a new song that I dance around my apartment to and I know that all the music in the world wasn't silenced when Charley died. Now I feel the joy and excitement of seeing two friends get married and start a life together, and I know that I can still feel real love and joy after Andy. Now I can see tragedies and darkness and know that light and truth will always prevail in the end.

 

Life goes on. And that's okay. In fact, it's wonderful.

 

 

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"Strong, proactive obedience is anything but weak or passive. It is the means by which we declare our faith in God and qualify ourselves to receive the powers of heaven. Obedience is a choice. It is a choice between our own limited knowledge and power and God’s unlimited wisdom and omnipotence."- Elder L. Tom Perry