The (Wo)man In The Mirror

Part of the new adventure that I am embarking on involves getting in better shape. And by that I mean some serious gym time. I've never balked at going to gyms- I actually really love working out. Zumba classes, free weights, circuits, bikes and ellipticals- sign me up. I'm still working on falling in love with running. In the past month or so, I started working with a trainer again. She's great and really pushes me when I think I can't do anymore. After a couple weeks working with her I had a profound realization. We typically do workouts in the women's workout room in front of a mirrored wall. My usual routine was to look down or away when completing a certain exercise, but she started to instruct me to look at myself in the mirror, both to check my form constantly and to focus. It was strangely uncomfortable. I kept wanting to look away, look up, look anywhere other than myself in that mirror. As I became aware, I started to dig and find out why I did this.

About six years ago, while attending BYU I became incredibly ill. I was constantly in pain and spent time visiting doctors, specialists, and ended up having two surgeries that semester. Before that I had been training to swim the English Channel and had been in pretty decent shape. The illness brought a sudden halt to all that. Then, as we tried various medications and treatment approaches, one particular treatment caused me to gain almost 40 pounds and I started to struggle with food. Any previous insecurities were magnified and my proclivity towards avoiding pictures of myself evolved to the point that I avoided looking at myself in the mirror unless putting on makeup. When taking pictures with friends and they would ask if I wanted to see, I always said no; I had already decided I didn't like it. That is so sad. Even as I type this, I realize even more how miserable I made myself. But not anymore. I'm done with all that.

The further I dug, the more I realized that the problem was only partly my weight/appearance. The other part was that I felt my outward appearance didn't match what is on the inside. Does that make sense? I would look at pictures and feel like it didn't even look like me. All of this creativity, happiness, joy, intelligence, etc- all the things that make me Me- don't show up in the mirror as easily.

Acknowledging that I was allowing this to happen has been the first step (and maybe the biggest step) in addressing the root of the problem. Extending my belief that my physical body is a gift, a temple, helps center me and focusing on the strength and wonder of my body helps me remember that vital truth. Part of Satan's distractions include the preoccupation with flaws or faults, both physical and spiritual. While admitting flaws will help in the refining process to make those into strengths, dwelling on them will only make us miserable.

In this last April General Conference (G.C. is in 4 days!!!!!), Elder Sitati gave a wonderful talk Sunday afternoon in which he made some remarks that have recently stood out to me. He said, " The body is the means by which we can attain our divine potential....Subduing includes gaining mastery over our own bodies. It does not include being helpless victims of these things or using them contrary to the will of God." Even with all the foibles and mortal weaknesses that accompany our physical bodies, they are the means by which we can attain our divine potential! And that is something to be celebrated!

I realize that with the topic of this post I should probably post a picture or a selfie to show that I love my body, but I didn't get around to it. I'm just not in the habit of taking lots of pictures. But I'm working on it. Probably within the next couple posts you'll get one ; )

So...

I'm starting with the (wo)man in the mirror
I'm asking her to change her ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change.

At A Crossroads

In the past few months, all three of my best friends have bought their first homes (wahoo!!), one welcomed her first baby ( I love Baby Jane!), another found she is expecting (awesome sauce), and the third got a coveted promotion at work (get it girl!). There is something wonderful about being surrounded by those who are taking part in these wonderful milestones, a life-affirming energy if you will. I am so incredibly grateful that they allow me to participate in any small way in their miracles, big and small.

At the same time, it has prompted some reflection and self evaluation. Am I making a difference? Do I feel challenged and excited? Is what I'm doing now helping me achieve my goals? Is what I'm doing helping me reach my potential and fulfill Heavenly Father's will for me? Questions that are a little harder to bring up at girls night or in casual texting. Questions that have brought me to my knees seeking divine guidance at what feels like a crossroads for me have also invited this incredible peace and assurance.

With these questions, prayers, seeking and asking, impressions and ideas have come as well the strength to move forward in these new directions. As I have become more familiar with the voice of the Spirit and how it speaks to me, I have identified that usually a sense of peace and clarity of thought are my top two signs. Only on two previous occasions did I feel that thoughts were placed in my mind that completely came out of left field, accompanied by very distinct words, phrases, or images of something I needed to do. The first time was when deciding to serve a mission. The second was moving to Arizona after the mission. For several weeks now similar impressions have been directing me as I seek more guidance and begin preparations for possibly a new adventure.  I'm still in early stages of this so more details will be coming forthwith, but for now I'm just excited for another beginning.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. " - Robert Frost

Defending the Family

I know I'm a few months late in posting some of the summer class, but I couldn't get this one out of my head plus you were just waiting for me to get to this point- the war chapters ( cue dramatic drumroll),  And frankly, so was I. With the recent Supreme Court decision, I couldn't help but feel that this lesson is needed more than ever. The Book of Mormon provides us with some incredible heroes, including war heroes like Teancum, Helaman, Lehi, and Pahoran, last but not least, Captain Moroni. In Alma chapter 50 it starts with Moroni fortifying the Nephite cities with walls, heaps of earths, works and pickets of timbers as well as towers to protect them. We can relate this to the most important thing (or people) we have to protect- our family. Just like the walls and towers were built as methods of protection, Heavenly Father has given us tools to protect the family from the arrows of the adversary. Family scripture study and prayer, family home evening, temples, priesthood power, uplifting music... the list could go on and in class we filled most of the whiteboard with such protections while listing the prophet, leaders, teachers, and parents as the towers around the city.

The Church published a statement regarding the Supreme Court decision and I would like to share some parts of that.

“The succession of federal court decisions in recent months, culminating in today’s announcement by the Supreme Court, will have no effect on the doctrinal position or practices of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which is that only marriage between a man and a woman is acceptable to God. In prizing freedom of conscience and Constitutional guarantees of the free exercise of religion, we will continue to teach that standard and uphold it in our religious practices.

“Nevertheless, respectful coexistence is possible with those with differing values. As far as the civil law is concerned, the courts have spoken. Church leaders will continue to encourage our people to be persons of good will toward all, rejecting persecution of any kind based on race, ethnicity, religious belief or non-belief, and differences in sexual orientation.”

"Marriage between a man and a woman was instituted by God and is central to His plan for His children and for the well-being of society. Strong families, guided by a loving mother and father, serve as the fundamental institution for nurturing children, instilling faith, and transmitting to future generations the moral strengths and values that are important to civilization and crucial to eternal salvation. Changes in the civil law do not, indeed cannot, change the moral law that God has established. God expects us to uphold and keep His commandments regardless of divergent opinions or trends in society. His law of chastity is clear: sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We urge you to review and teach Church members the doctrine contained in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.”

Just as those who promote same-sex marriage are entitled to civility, the same is true for those who oppose it. The Church insists on its leaders’ and members’ constitutionally protected right to express and advocate religious convictions on marriage, family, and morality free from retaliation or retribution. The Church is also entitled to maintain its standards of moral conduct and good standing for members...

While these matters will continue to evolve, we affirm that those who avail themselves of laws or court rulings authorizing same-sex marriage should not be treated disrespectfully. The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us to love and treat all people with kindness and civility—even when we disagree." 

Our issue with same-sex marriage is not about equality or tolerance, but rather about our understanding of Heavenly Father's plan and purpose for His children. As we all seek to provide the very best for the families we love, we strive to keep in mind not just what we want for them but also what our Heavenly Father wants to all of us.

Unprofitable Servants

A few weeks ago I was studying Mosiah 2:21, which says in part, " if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants." This time through that honestly felt incredibly overwhelming- that no matter how hard I try it won't be enough. Then as I read it again, went to the cross-references, and pondered I realized that it isn't a commentary on individual worth; rather, it is noting our ability or capacity to save ourselves. Only Christ can do that. All our attempts to do that are pointless and futile (part of the definition of "unprofitable"). Though we might consecrate all our time and efforts to building the Lord's kingdom, or perfecting the Saints or redeeming the dead (or a combination of all three hopefully), it will not produce power sufficient to redeem us. Do our efforts matter? Absolutely. They teach us, shape us, and in all the examples of "laboring diligently" in the Book of Mormon are actually a part of sanctification. And if we continue in our efforts to grow and change then we can become valued stewards and instruments in the hands of the Lord. For anyone else who wonders if they are good enough or might become discouraged at first when reading this verse, fear not. We are beloved sons and daughters of a Heavenly Father and we are not "earning our way to heaven" through our own works or efforts. But we are "learning heaven" as Brother Brad Wilcox explained. Faith in and grace through the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the only power sufficient to save and redeem us, but faith is also an action verb. If we truly believe Christ, we know we must do all we can to act on that belief. As we learn what the Savior would do and the will of Heavenly Father we are truly refined.

Another perspective perhaps would be to wonder where the "profits" that this servant would want are going. If I serve the Lord, but desire to receive glory and rewards for righteousness then I truly am unprofitable to Heavenly Father no matter how much time I pencil in to serve. However, if my heart is in a different place- wanting to serve because I truly love Heavenly Father and the Savior- and allow the "profits" to go to Him and His kingdom, one day I might become the "good and faithful servant".

President Monson once told us the this is a gospel of great expectations and when we read that verse in Mosiah or in Helaman 12:7 - "how great is the nothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are less than the dust of the earth...", it can be easy to give into the whisperings  that we are forever falling short. Don't you believe it! The Spirit always builds us up and the adversary will always tear us down. Though we are all still imperfect, we are of infinite worth. Not because of anything we can accomplish or achieve, not because of how we look or don't look, but because we are His.