Dating Disasters

Everyone likes giving relationship advice- single, married, somewhere in between- we all have something to say. But can we just stop that? I mean it. If I hear "you'll find him when you least expect it" or  "don't worry, it'll happen when the time is right", or "you're too picky" one more time I might do something drastic. I know you mean well, I really do. But when you say those things, it belittles what I'm still feeling- loneliness, frustration,  hurt, rejection, etc.

For a woman who has a lot of love to give and truly enjoys giving and loving others, I've spent a lot of time being single. And as that kind of woman I do seek out opportunities to meet people and form meaningful relationships. I attend singles activities, have tried online dating...multiple times, let friends set me up with their brothers, cousins, best friend's uncle's neighbor!!!, try new activities, and also focus on pursuing my individual interests and passions. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Grrrr.

Today was the latest in a long line of dating failures. I'll spare you the details except to say that the man pulled a 180 on me- from respectful and engaging on the first date to pushy and inappropriate today. I hate to quote this song, but "where have all the good men gone?". I seem to find two extremes- those uninterested or lacking enough confidence to make a real move or those only focused on a physical relationship. Really?? I hate to generalize. I hate to stereotype men, but with only a handful of exceptions, those who can prove me wrong have yet to appear in my almost 9 years in the serious single dating world. There is a funny youtube video called the "Wife Zone Chart" which hilariously describes the combination of traits that make a good wife. And then there is a clever rebuttal video from a woman's perspective here- make sure to watch to the very end. I can't say that I agree much with either, but at this point in the post maybe you are as frustrated as I and need to laugh.

I don't think I'm looking for a Mary Poppins among men- "practically perfect in every way", just a good man. A few key traits and almost everything else can be worked out. Faith- Believe in God first and foremost. Have a testimony and a continuing conversion to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Believe in yourself- in all your potential and capabilities. Believe in  and trust me. Committment- just being committed to working through issues, caring enough about the relationship to put in the time and effort and sacrifices necessary to create a solid relationship. Communication- just tell me what you think and feel, where your boundaries and sore spots are, and what you need from a relationship. Don't lie to me or lead me on. Respect- listen to me when I'm trying to communicate, show proper respect despite a disagreement or different opinion, respect my thoughts, feelings, space, and physical body in thought and in deed. I'm willing to work hard too, to be committed and respectful, full of faith and respect. Does that sound far-fetched? Am I being demanding and unreasonable? I refuse to throw up my hands and say "whatever, who cares anyway" because it does matter. I refuse to turn my frustration around and blame men for all my dating woes- I'm sure I have room for improvement. I refuse to give up hope, yet I don't know where to turn next. Anything worth having is worth working for, right? I might need power tools for this job.