Settling In

Breaking radio silence. Yes, hello again. I know, I've been absent after dropping the big engagement news. But you must agree that getting married, traveling through 6 states, moving to New York, and all those adjustments have kept me pretty busy. It's been a whirlwind 3 months, but part of my New Years goals includes regularly blogging here. Partly because I find myself in a new phase of life- newlywed and starting my own home/family. Partly because I'm starting this next stage in an exciting new place- the Big Apple herself,  New York City. And lastly, because as I start these new adventures I find myself far from most of my friends and family and I want to stay connected.

Speaking of staying connected, as a young college student there was a joke amongst my friends about our friends that got married. We jokingly said that when they started dating it was like they got sick- we saw them less frequently. When they got engaged it was as if they had slipped into a coma- completely unresponsive to friends and prior activities. And upon marriage, they died and we mourned their loss in our lives. Depending on the person, about a year later they were resurrected and we rejoiced at the opportunity to enjoy that friendship again.  A little harsh I suppose, but on the other side it absolutely felt like that. I will apologize right now if I have made any of my friends feel like this. Right now is a time of lots of transitions and adjustments for me personally, but I so dearly cherish my connections and friendships.

As I mourned the loss of friends after their marriages, I suppose I assumed that part of their disconnection was that they were wrapped up in newlywed bliss and well,...in the bedroom. Well, that may be a consideration, now I can add a bit more depth. There is a definite adjustment within a relationship and what you can share with other people about your relationship. What is appropriate to share? It doesn't feel right to tell your best friends or you mom about something your husband did that bothers you or even made you mad. There is a distinct difference between telling the friends all about those crazy bad dates you endured and about sharing details of your marriage. A sacred trust and confidence comes with marriage, one that includes a lot of vulnerability and emotional intimacy between husband and wife. And as you seek to communicate, it should really only be between the couple and the Lord. I'm not saying that you shouldn't speak up if something is wrong or that you can never talk about your marriage with the appropriate people. I just want to share that insight for someone who maybe thought what I did after my friends got married. I'm still here, but I can't share all the details of this new part of my life because it's not just mine to share. It's ours.

Friends keep asking if I'm settled in yet. And I keep making a crazy face when they ask because I think to myself, "Settled in? What is that? What do you mean? Do you mean, that after three months of marriage, moving to New York City, finding a job, and searching for an apartment, is everything all normal and routine?" Because my answer is still- not quite (or not at all if I'm being really honest). I live in a city that refuses to settle. My husband always says that this is a city of opportunities, where if you don't like your job you can always find something better. And you see that a lot. People moving from job to job, apartment to apartment in search of what they want. Sure, I have met people who have lived in the same apartment for 25 years, or had the same job for a long time, but there is an attitude in this city of refusing to settle on your dreams. If you want something, you need to search for it and grab it with two hands. I admire that attitude about New Yorkers and the city. Whereas my small town girl heart does want to be a little more settled, I know that will come as I adjust. But I hope to learn from this city to never settle on those things that matter most.

Throughout this year, I will be doing a series of "I live in a city that..." posts to document my experience in the Big Apple. I hope to share some insights that are different from the stereotypes and bring me great joy within the city.