First Love

I've thought a lot about why first love burns so bright, so fast, and why it hurts so much. And I realized that it's the first time we are learning to give a part of ourselves away. Everyone we love is given a part of us and will have a spot in our hearts. That's why we remember loved ones who have passed on, best friends we've lost touch with, and boyfriends who didn't work out. But our first love, for however long it lasts, somehow has your whole heart all to themselves. And even long after it's over, that love can be found in unexpected places. I love what the author, Tammara Weber, said about first love.

“Something about first love defies duplication. Before it, your heart is blank. Unwritten. After, the walls are left inscribed and graffitied. When it ends, no amount of scrubbing will purge the scrawled oaths and sketched images, but sooner or later, you find that there’s space for someone else, between the words and in the margins.” 

A part of you will always wants the best for them, no matter what happened or why it ended because they loved you and you loved them before everything-when there was no past, only a future. There is something pure and magical in their underlying presence throughout our lives.

Like many first attempts, it is hard to get it right the first time. Not the passion, or the emotion of it--but the timing and the longevity. It's new and exciting, scary and exhilarating all at the same time. One just wants to be loved and doesn't really worry about getting hurt or holding back. I wonder too if the world would be better if we could always love like that. Yet often, with our first love we lack the patience and perseverance to make it last. Some do. Many don't. Passion is a powerful thing, but in the long run it pales when pitted against the need for trust, commitment, and patience. And first love like that-- hot, bright, and fast--burns the soul and creates the foundation for all future relationships.
 

"Your first love isn't always the first person you kiss, or the first person you date. Your first love is the person you will always compare everyone to. The person that you will never truly get over, even when you're convinced yourself you've moved on."

I was lucky enough to have a love like that once. Five years ago, eighteen years old, I thought I held the world in my hands. Standing here looking back I realize it still aches and I'm coming to accept the fact that it might always, just a little, because after all, that is the nature of first love. Fortunately, I've been able to love since then and I know I will be able to again, but he is the one I still think of when I sit under the stars and hear a love song. One day, when I love someone even more, I know he will drift further and further back in my mind. I'll always want him to be happy, for him to have everything in this life. This week he had his first child. I hope that baby has his beautiful eyes.