Men and Money

Right now I'm reading two books (have we established I love literature?), well actually three (but the swimming book can be another post), but I am amazed at the strong correlation between the two books. The first is, Financial Peace, by Dave Ramsey and the second is You Lost Him At Hello, by Jess McCann. I started the first one after a friend recommended it when I mentioned I've been taking an online personal finance class. The second one emerged from a frustrated late night conversation with a group of girlfriends as we attempted to analyze what we are doing wrong in dating. One girl mentioned that at one point she even got a dating coach and all our ears perked up. What?! Tell us! So the book is by that dating coach and we are reading it for our Relief Society book club. Two separate subjects, but various fundamental principles in common. Principles that apparently I need to master in order to manage both of these trouble areas in my life.

I hate money. I feel like I need to explain before I talk about principles. I really hate talking about money. My stomach gets sick and I literally lose my appetite. Talking about money, debt, and finances stresses me out and I hate it. But what I hate even more is the feeling that the money controls me and not the other way around, so in the past six months I've been working on a plan to change that. I started taking an independent study personal finance class. Then my friend mentioned Dave Ramsey, who I'm sure many of you are familiar with as well as his books, radio show, and financial program. So I'm starting with the book and then I'll move onto the DVD/program because I truly want to understand finances so I can be in control. And dating is hard. I lose my appetite and never feel like I'm in control, so I guess I can see a correlation,

Three fundamentals stood out from both books ( I'm only halfway through so there might be more):

1. Don't Do Anything Until You Understand!

I'm not saying you need to have an MBA before you can confidently make wise financial choices, but I'm learning you can't sign up for or sign the line on anything until you understand it! I wish I had understood some things before starting college like how loans really work and interest, etc, etc. I'm learning that you don't make a deal or sign up for a mutual fund without understanding the fine print- not just accepting everything a banker or realtor tells you! A little knowledge, education, and understanding will save me a lot in the long run. Also understanding my goals and motivation behind the money puts me in control.

You might be wondering how this applies to dating since women and men might not truly understand the opposite gender until the next life. But McCann's first point is that when you date, the product is yourself. And you can't "sell" a product you don't know and love. You have to know who you are and love it before you can be part of a meaningful relationship. I'm at a point now where I do feel like I know who I am and what I need/want. I am finally comfortable in my own skin and I'm loving it! And I'm starting to see the difference in my dating life.

2. KISS!

Not your realtor or banker though. K.I.S.S. stands for "keep it simple, stupid!" This beautiful concept of simplicity has changed many things in my life as I've realized how to apply it. Right after I understand what I'm signing up for, I have to make sure I am making a choice that fits within my budget, within my financial plans and goals. They say that the best way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket or, in other words, SAVE $. Or another one- the best way to get rich quick is not to get rich quick. Simple money saving tricks, simple saving plans, simple and clear budgets. Keep it simple.

In dating, this principle can be applied in oh so many ways. But specifically, she was referring to the tendency women have to over-share and over-talk before that is really okay. Her advice? Keep it simple- listen. Listen more than you talk. Don't go so far so that you don't talk or only talk about him- you still need to express opinions and share who you are, but listen more. Anyone can just talk, but someone who truly listens is a rare gem.

3. Discipline

It requires a fair amount of discipline to get out of debt and achieve financial goals. It requires discipline to talk myself out of ice cream and remind myself that I'm saving so I can stick to my budget. It's possible that it requires a bit more discipline as a young single adult because I'm just learning some of these financial guidelines and I also don't have a built-in other person to whom I am accountable. It's a good thing to have a parent, friend, CPA, etc help me be accountable, but in the end it's all up to me.

And if I thought it was hard to talk myself out of treating myself to ice cream, it is much harder to avoid eagerly responding when a man I'm interested in calls or texts. I promise this isn't a game, but waiting to respond allows me to process, keep it simple, and not come across as needy or desperate. Even if I was waiting by the phone all evening. It takes discipline when I really connect with someone not to spill my heart out and tell him I want marriage, a dozen kids, a German shepherd puppy, and a vegetable garden. It takes discipline to say no to someone I'm really starting to like when I discover that we don't share some very important goals. Wow, dating takes a lot of self-discipline.

I'm sure there are many other parallels. What have you seen?