He Doesn't Make Up The Difference- He Is the Difference

In my brief foray into the balance between grace and works last week, I mentioned a talk given by Brad Wilcox entitled "His Grace is Sufficient"- one of my all time favorite devotionals I had the privilege to attend at BYU. In addressing a student's concerns, he explained that, "Jesus doesn’t make up the difference. Jesus makes all the difference. Grace is not about filling gaps. It is about filling us." Filling us with what? With more grace? With strength and power? With love? Yes, to all of the above. Now hold that thought. I'll come right back to it.

Psychology Today reports that, "All of us have an intense desire to be loved and nurtured. The need to be loved, as Bowlby’s and others’ experiments have shown, could be considered one of our most basic and fundamental needs...Given the importance of the need to be loved, it isn’t surprising that most of us believe that a significant determinant of our happiness is whether we feel loved and cared for....In our pursuit of the need to be loved, however, most of us fail to recognize that we have a parallel need: the need to love and care for others. This desire, it turns out, is just as strong as the need to be loved and nurtured."

I cannot pinpoint a time I first recognized that in myself. It was certainly long before I picked up my first psychology textbook or had a serious romantic relationship. Maybe it started as a little girl playing with baby dolls, or when my younger siblings were born. Growing up, I attributed part of that to being a woman- for the nurturing and giving characteristics commonly associated with women in general- and I embrace it wholeheartedly. I can honestly say that I love to love, to give, to serve. It makes me feel happy and...right.

Somewhere along the way, however, I discovered that it is not enough to simply give love- that I often give and give and give love until I feel emptied out. When I don't feel that level of love in return, I feel like I do not belong, that no matter what I do it will never be enough. There has to be a balance in our need to love and the need to be loved.

So recently, while struggling with this, I attended a musical fireside in my stake. The speaker sat at the piano and alternated playing the piano with giving us advice. One of his suggestions was "be the change you want to see in the world"-a quote from Gandhi if I'm not mistaken. If you need more forgiveness, forgive more. If you want more kindness, be more kind. If you want more love, give love. And as he said that last one, I wondered how that could be true when the more love I gave, the less I felt in return. He suggested we ponder on that while he played this gloriously beautiful piece. And as the notes flooded the chapel, a thought came clearly into my mind- The Savior loves me enough to fill me completely. And when I give love, I don't need anything in return. Other's choices to return love is beyond my control, but I need never feel unloved because my Heavenly Father and Savior love me so entirely.

So back to the idea of grace and how it ties into this. Jesus doesn't just make up the difference- the difference between how much love others give me and how much I need. Jesus makes all the difference- He loves me so as to fill me completely. Love isn't about filling gaps; it's about filling us. It's about learning to love as He loves me and, as I've mentioned before, that kind of love is transformative and empowering.

Don't misunderstand me here- I'm not saying that all you need is a relationship with Christ. We are placed in families for many reasons- to learn to love and support one another, to have those deep bonds of love, etc. We need each other. We need friends, co-workers, neighbors, spouses, children. But how they choose to love us is largely beyond our control and in our limited mortal state we are often unable to love perfectly and completely. But we do not have to let that impede our happiness, our sense of belonging, or our self-worth, because there is one who loves us completely.

President Uchtdorf gave a beautiful talk five years ago entitled The Love of God in which he said it beautifully: "Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you. God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly.Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely.He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure,and indescribable love. We are important to God not because of our resumé but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken."

And that kind of love makes all the difference.