The Atonement Covers Dating Too

If a friend comes to me for dating or guy advice, my typical response tends to be bold. Put yourself out there, tell him how you feel, etc. I am, after all, an optimistic romantic. I believe in taking risks for love, like my favorite quote by Erica Jong--"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.” I've done it like that before; yes, I got my heart broken a time or two, but I've learned and grown in incredible ways. But it's not easy.

So for the past couple months, I've been "working on" a flirtation. Now, I don't want you to think I'm playing games or scheming, but strategizing might fit. He's important to me and I don't want to mess it up. Because I do have that tendency to rush in and ruin everything. I respect him and care about him. He makes me laugh. challenges me, and makes my heart flutter a little...ok, a lot. Without too much detail, I have this "long game" plan (Dr. Lightman reference if you missed that), basically meaning that this is a slow steady strategy. And it's been moving along quite nicely if I do say so myself. But last night some doubts crept in. All of these other women were flirting with him and suddenly I find myself wondering if I'm really as good for him as I think, wondering if he will ever care about me...and then before you know it, that nasty little voice pipes up with things like "why would anyone love you?" and "you're never going to be good enough for someone like him".

Here I was thinking I'd made great progress in my self confidence, in my ability to openly love, to take chances again. So there I was, sitting in my institute class, feeling immensely stupid and wanting to cry. But I did not. Instead, I mentally told myself to get it together, reminding myself that my stake president had recently told us sisters that "we were born being enough". If he is really as important to me as I've been thinking, then he's worth it. I made myself evaluate if these thoughts (not the last couple) were impressions that this wasn't right for me, or just the standard opposition that comes with anything and anyone worthwhile. I finally decided it was the latter.

Then, just as I'm mentally getting a handle on this turmoil, we start talking about grace in class. About 2 Nephi 25:23-"For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." That last phrase tends to trouble some who wonder about grace and works, about doing all we can do and yet knowing that alone we can never do enough. (Here is a great talk on the subject if you're interested). That discussion can be a whole other post, but one thing that helped me understand it better was on how you view the pronouns in the scripture. "We" (referring to each and every one of us) are saved, after all "we" (referring to the partnership between each of us and Christ) can do. With him, everything is possible. And we must work at it too, not just hang on to his coat tails, because he is not just saving us- he is teaching us to become like him. Like I said, a post for another time. In the midst of our discussion on grace, someone said something that hit me hard. They said, " I often have to ask myself, 'Am I still trying to do this on my own?' ".

Am I trying to do this on my own? Trying to make it work by sheer will?

I've prayed a lot about dating, about preparing for an eternal marriage and family. I've studied and pondered on how I can improve and prepare personally. But as soon as that question was said in class, I knew I was still trying to do it myself. The one thing I want more than anything, the most important relationship- and I have been trying to develop it on my own. I've prayed for guidance, for inspiration, for opportunities, etc. But the Spirit whispered that I wasn't trusting the Lord enough, that the Atonement covers the insecurities and pitfalls of dating.

I tend to write as my thought process goes, but the biggest take away from this for me was an ever increasing awe and wonder for the breadth and depth of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Not only did He acutely feel the heartache and insecurities of dating, but He also enables us to be our best self, to offer the very best part of ourselves to another person and promise eternity. I know He doesn't make us the "perfect" person for someone else, but instead helps us become perfected with them as we strive to establish a family and progress on the path of discipleship together. I know He is there during the bad blind dates and awkward first ones, and I absolutely know that He is with me when it's time to be brave and risk everything for love.