Anger Issues and Helpful Thoughts

Thank you Digital Civ professors- this is a much needed break from the stress and bustle of my hectic college schedule. So I'll just share some downs and up of today (since they came in that order).

First of all, I need to explain that I have a temper. If you are surprised by this sentence, you have probably only met me in the last five years or so since I've mostly learned to control it. But it's there. Not necessarily explosive or loud, but quiet and dangerous. Several of the events in my life, speaking particularly of this past month, have provoked quite a lot of anger in myself. However, due to the situation and circumstance my anger cannot be expressed towards the culprits. So it is leaking out, without my consent, into random aspects of my life. For instance- I will be sitting in a class (never DigiCiv because it's too amazing) and find myself with an opposing or alternate opinion than my professor. And suddenly I'm angry. Not just passionate-into-a-debate-angry. So angry I'm trembling and I get this poker face (hint: which means don't touch me) and I will admit that I start thinking death threats towards the professor or the speaking classmate at the moment. It's bad. So if you see me concentrating intensely and breathing slowly and deeply- don't touch. I'm trying to be rational and I know that my professors don't hate me and aren't trying to make me look stupid or trying to overload me with assignments. I know these things. But my temper can't seem to catch up with my brain.

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My day got better. You see, I go to work after class. Is it odd that my day gets better when I go to work? I have the BEST job ever, well second to being a mother, but still.
I am a nanny to the cutest sweetest five-month old baby ever!

So, after a few attempts to get him down for his nap, I had some time for homework and reading while he slept. I picked up a book by Sheri Dew called "No Doubt About It" and therein found exactly what I needed to hear today. Here are just a few quotes that quenched my anger and brought much need wisdom back into my heart.

"Am I the woman I think I am, the woman I want to be? More importantly, am I the woman the Savior needs me to be?

"Life is filled with moments of joy, but life is also hard. It is an unmistakable privilege to be here in mortality, but the burden we carry is weighty, relentless, and laden with importance. So I pose two questions: What have we come here to do? And how will we do it?"

Finally she discusses light and darkness: the light of Christ will always be stronger than the darkness, stronger than any loneliness, pain, hurt, or anger as well as stronger than temptations and enticements. I can't find the quote verbatim, but the concept hit home.

They are things in life I simply do not understand. But the things that I do know are strong enough to keep me moving onward. I know that Jesus Christ is the Savior and that his Atonement is personal and allows me to work to return to my Father in Heaven. I know that I am a daughter of God, who is of infinite value to her Father, who has been given a specific mission here on Earth and in the eternities. I know the means of communicating with my Father in Heaven and how to recieve direction and guidance from the Lord. I know the Book of Mormon is the word of God. These things I do know so I will leave the rest in the Lord's hands.

Thank you Sheri Dew and my wonderful job.