So I went up for conference to West Point to visit some family this weekend. Conference was great! In fact, conference will get it's own post later this week. And family was great- I mean, they're family so I automatically love them. But being there was like being the 11th wheel. Have you ever been the 11th wheel? It is rather frustrating and lonely. And then, of course, I get asked where "my guy" is and I have to refrain from crying and screaming. Then, to improve things, more people get engaged this weekend and one is so excited to be pregnant that she refers to it in every sentence! No, I'm not bitter. I'm scared. Afraid that this disease is going to kill me before I have a chance to become a wife and mother, the only thing I've ever really wanted. Afraid that even if I conquer this condition, no one will ever want or love me anyway. Afraid that when I have kids I will repeat all the mistakes my parents made. I'm afraid of being so alone.
I go to birthday parties.
I go to family reunions.
I go help people move.
I go up for family dinners.
I go attend bridal showers and wedding receptions.
I go to football games and tailgate parties.
But I always drive home alone. And I cry the whole way.
