100 Reasons

Recently I've gained a new mentor (well, actually a couple mentors), Saskia, and one of the "exercises" or assignments she gave me was to make a list of 100 reasons why I am on Earth. I was incredibly excited (who, me? Bet you didn't see that coming) about everything we talked about, all the tools and tips she gave me, etc and so I went right to work. This one seemed pretty straightforward, plus I felt like I pretty much already know why I'm here on Earth (you know- it's part of the master plan). I went in with the intention to be clear and honest, a.k.a no fluff or sugar-coating. Mentally I decided that I would kind of break it up by category (spiritual, relationships, finances, health, etc) to make it a little easier to focus and identify my purposes within each area. I'm sure other subdivisions would be good, but that's what I went with.

I was blown away. Completely. A very simple exercise turned quickly into a deeply powerful one. Whereas 100 reasons seemed like a lot at first, they just started coming to me. Some examples:

• To fill the measure of my creation
• To develop charity
• To love, support, learn from, cheer on my mother
• Help others connect to the Spirit of Elijah
• Learn to appreciate, use, and learn from my physical body
• Learn about varied cultures
• To create joy through words
• To radiate love
• To forgive freely

I started to see patterns. Some key words for me are Love, Learn, Create, Develop/Cultivate, and Become. Those six words distill who I am quite accurately. Also significant was what wasn't there- no specific job or position, no weight goal, deadlines of when I needed to do xyz, etc. Don't misunderstand- I believe in the power of setting goals and making plans to achieve them. But they aren't the "why" of the matter and until we resonate with the "why" behind a goal, the "what" and the "how" seem just out of reach. For example, with weight/fitness goals. Why? Because we want to be skinny, look good, be healthy, feel strong? None of those are in and of themselves wrong, but they aren't the why. When I identify that my purpose behind it is really a combination of appreciating my physical body, striving for excellence, having the energy and strength to fulfill other needs and demands, etc, then I feel this shift. It's not about a certain pants size or number on a scale- it's about becoming who I am meant to be.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, a day I love to use to reflect, evaluate, set goals and make plans. May I invite all of you before you set your intentions, write down your resolutions, and make your plans, to do this. Make a list of 100 reasons of why you are here on Earth and I promise you will start to find your "why"s.

Sanctify

I had a really great opportunity this weekend to attend a Christ-Centered Energy Healing Conference in Mesa. Started by an LDS group but extended to all Christian faiths, it works to bring energy work (muscle testing, foot zoning, emotional processing and releasing, and all those kinds of woo-woo voodoo techniques) into harmony with the gospel of Jesus Christ. The power to heal, no matter how it is done, comes through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. So there were classes about cultivating your spiritual gifts, coming closer to understanding our divine purposes and destiny, learning to forgive and heal, etc, etc. One insight in particular I wanted to share. In one of the classes I attended, she asked us the definition of sanctify. The first definition I thought of is "to make holy", others said "to set apart", "purify", "cleanse", all of which are true. But then she explained that those first definitions are true and correct, but there is a third translation of the word from ancient Greek or Latin meaning to "approve, accept, and support". In context of the class we discussed loving and accepting ourselves etc, however a new thought came as I partook of the sacrament on Sunday. As the prayer includes the words "bless and sanctify this bread (or water) for the souls of all those who partake of it...", the thought came that no only does the Lord accept and approve of the bread and water (emblems of the atoning sacrifice), but as we take them into ourselves He is giving his love, support, approval and acceptance to us- He is saying in effect "I will take you as you are, whether that's broken or whole, firm in the faith or confused by doubts, and I will support and help you become better through the Atonement." It is both a humbling and an empowering understanding, perhaps one I've thought of in different terms but never quite like that.

Slow Down A Little

Tis the season for family gatherings and festive parties, thoughtful gifts and expressions of love. But it also seems to be the season of forceful opinions, blowout sales, and blaring contradictions. Added to the mix is the bombardment of news, opinions, and controversary over recent events. I just had the pleasure and privilege of spending Thanksgiving with my family- something that I am learning to no longer take for granted the older I get. With the time I had to relax and reflect, I couldn't help but puzzle over all the "busy"ness of this time of year. About now, you are revving up (or just starting) your holiday preparations, making lists of who you need to shop for, holiday parties to attend, and all those things. It's easy to get caught up in all the things to do, particularly if we have a responsibility to make sure Christmas joy is spread around (in your family, at church, a work position, etc). And not all of that is bad- I am so grateful for those who put in a lot of effort and time to make this season wonderful/extra special for their children, co-workers, and friends.

But this year, may I offer just one suggestion for the season?

Simplify and slow down.

Now that will look different for each of us. For some that may be turning down a few invitations to events to spend more time with the family. Others may shift from elaborate presents to more simple gifts. Still others will seek more opportunities to provide service and acts of compassion in place of outright gifts. Perhaps we can reduce our time on social media if it is detracting from our true priorities. One that has been forefront in my mind is to limit or reserve judgement on certain issues in the media until I more fully understand and can step back to consider the issue from other perspectives. For example (and just in my opinion, obviously), the recent debate over the refugees has brought out some really strong opinions, many facts, and more than a few misconceptions. It's not a black and white issue. It's not just about mercy and compassion, just as it's not only about defense and security. It's my hope this holiday season, whatever holiday or celebration that might be for you, that we slow down enough to consider another perspective, to evaluate our priorities, and to simplify.

Missed You Today

Dearest,

I missed you today. Just when I think I've figured it out, coped, dealt with it...whatever you want to call it, this weight called grief keeps shifting. Some days it's simply a puzzle piece on my background while every once in awhile it overwhelms anything and everything else. Most days now I function normally-- the curled-up-in-bed days are long ago...mostly. I go to work, hit the gym, socialize, volunteer, read new books, call my mom or sisters just to chat, all without falling apart or losing track of time mindlessly. Whenever I meet someone with your name there is a little twinge and a pause before I say, " I like your name..." or "One of my...friend's name is...". Twinges are mostly what I would call it these days, like the way a fresh scar pulls as the skin heals, except it's all around my heart with bandages of caution nudging me when someone new crosses the threshold. I've worked through the baggage of "everyone leaves me!" and "I'm just not going to love anyone again!", but the touch of caution remains. I know now that people do leave and disappoint, but that's okay because they also stay and surprise you too. I've learned that my capacity to love is vast and always maturing.

Along the way I discovered that the steps of grief are not chronological or neatly organized. Not at all. Usually they are all jumbled together, overlapping, fighting for dominance one day and fading away the next. Acceptance is supposed to be the “last stage”, however that continues to evolve as well. I’ve accepted that you’re not here today. And tomorrow and next week. But somehow my mind has yet to fully comprehend that for the rest of my mortal life you will not return. That place of hope tied to faith that I will see you again after this life constantly leaks into the pleading wish for just one more moment with you today. Sometimes I get little moments of feeling so close to you, like standing next to a window with the shades down- I can feel the warmth but the light can't quite make it through. Maybe gratitude is really the last stage, when I can transform the moments of sadness, anger, and loss into reminders that at least I had you in my life. Thank you for that.

Tonight I'm going to the wedding of a friend and I don't feel like I'll come home and cry. I feel like dancing and laughing. Maybe there will be a few twinges, a little ache when they have their first dance, but that's alright.

Well, I just wanted to say I missed you today.

All my love,
Kristi

Link to A Hero's Stone and to last years reflections.

The Challenge To Become

Just yesterday in sacrament meeting, several newly returned missionaries and recent converts bore their testimonies. I love the enthusiasm, energy, and perspective they have- in fact I am so grateful for it! But for just a moment, I felt a twinge of envy. This November marks two years (!!!!) since I returned from my mission and while I know I am doing good things and working hard, sometimes I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be or rather, where I'm expected to be. But the Spirit reassured me with the thought that as long as I'm progressing and staying close to the Lord, I'm doing what I should do. One of the adversary's most effective tools against those who are righteously striving is discouragement and despair- by telling us that we are forever falling short, he stunts our growth and holds us back. I am reminded of the words of Elder Holland, "Don't you quit! You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon.Some come late, and some don't come till heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God, and believe in good things to come."

Just in my studies this morning while reading Elder Kim B Clark's talk from this last conference, this statement really stood out to me- "We do not have to be perfect, but we need to be good and getting better." And that reminded me of a talk by Elder Oaks- " The Challenge To Become" in which he reminds us that, " in contrast to the institutions of the world, which teach us to know something, the gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to become something." Sometimes, it takes a bit to get out of the mindset of thinking that if we just know more or work harder then we'll be "successful". But that's not necessarily true. We are successful when we are constantly learning, progressing, and truly becoming new creatures in Christ.

My dad (being the wonderfully smart man that he is) always used to shake his head when people said the mission was "the best two years". When I would ask why, he explained that he loved his mission, worked hard, grew a lot, etc, that those two years were the best...up to that point in his life. But after that, the next two years were the best...so far, as he met and married my mom. He would remind me that if we are living the gospel as our Heavenly Father intends, we will keep progressing and growing in the gospel. That is not to say that every year will be full of happiness and devoid of trouble because we all know that the conditions of mortality include opposition. The gospel is not merely a series of steps (faith, repentance, baptism/covenants, Holy Ghost, and enduring), but it is also a staircase that leads us higher and deeper as we consistently live the principles of the gospel and keep the commandments.

So while maybe today I feel like a caterpillar, or sand, or coal, with a little time and more than a little pressure, one day I can become a butterfly, a pearl or a diamond. And I can be happy right now in the process.

River of Life

"They" say that if two people are meant to be together, then they'll always find their way back. Like people are rivers who lazily loop back and eventually get to where they were always going. People aren't like that and the course of real love never did run smooth. You make it happen. You swim upstream and jump over bridges. We make choices, each of us, for better or worse. Maybe one of you never left and indeed is standing waist deep in the current. And the other is floating along listening to the gurgle of the stream without realizing they've left you behind. Just go with the flow "they" say- and let it happen when it happens. Except the flow is drowning you. "They" don't know a damn thing.

Is There A Script?

Most stories have a beginning, middle, and end; others simply don't. I guess it depends on when you enter because that's a beginning itself. And with every beginning there's also an ending. Even those sneaky middle parts are full or starts and stops, twist and turns until you're not sure which way is up or down. Sometimes a story is just stuck--someone missed their cue or made a choice that hits pause. So you go back and try the next tunnel, the next door, but it's locked or a dead-end, and you know the first door is still the right one. Do you kick down another one or jump off the cliff in a desperate attempt to move out of Act I? Running to find the plot only to discover there is no script, no beginning, no end.

How To Be A Good Customer 101

It's better to laugh than to cry about something, right? So coming to the "end" of our busier season at work, we've recognized that a sheer volume of calls isn't what makes us want to curl up and cry at the end of the day. No, it's the basic decency lacking in an increasing number of customer interactions. I know life is tough all around and sometimes "adulting" is really hard- I'm with you 100% ladies and gentlemen. However, taking out your anger or frustration on the person on the other end of the phone, other side of the counter, or table doesn't increase your maturity points. I've worked in a variety of customer service positions over the last 8-9 years and while each one has their unique quirks, some basic principles seem to apply fairly universally. One of my co-workers has a phrase that seems appropriate, " The customer is not always right, but the customer is always the customer."

* Expecting great service is your prerogative. In fact, I encourage you to have high expectations, keep people on their toes, etc. But expecting that great service to mean that a company does whatever you want, when you want it, and for the lowest price you are willing to pay it not okay.

* Separate the situation from the person you end up talking to about the situation. They may not have had anything whatsoever to do with it. Remember you are talking to a real person (most times), not a computer. What you say and, more importantly, how you say it affects other people.

* Along with that, recognize the distribution of responsibility in any given situation. For example, yelling at your waitress because you waited 30 minutes for food when she brings it out hot probably indicates the issue was more in the kitchen. Be willing to recognize when you have a responsibility there- when you arrive late or provide inaccurate contact information.

*Please respect rules or restrictions. They are there for a reason and probably one that protects both of us. It is easy from a customer's standpoint to think it's always a casino set up- that the house always wins. But that's not always the case; more often than not, a business wants to create service that offers long-term benefits, not just short-term cost effectiveness. Take a moment to listen when they attempt to explain why something is set up a certain way.

* There is a fine line between being proactive and asking for discounts and telling us you are refusing to pay late fees, collection fees, or the balance because of xyz. Before working at my current job, I did not even know it was an option to tell my service providers that I would not be paying my late fees because it was my cousin's boyfriend's dog's fault. What?!

* In a society that enables a lot of complaining and venting (hence the post you are currently reading), the most effective method to solving a particular issue will probably not be whining and complaining. Express your concern or complaint, then give the company a chance to correct it. If you just wanted to complain, vent somewhere else before calling.

* Remember the big picture. There is a scale here of urgency, of importance; freaking out about getting service for just one cricket found at your home is different than not getting your medication on time as needed. No matter what the circumstance, it is never okay to demean or belittle others; pick your battles on things that matter most.

The next time you pick up your phone to yell at your phone, electric, or pest control company, take a minute to check yourself. Next time you're at a restaurant, a department store, or Wal-mart, take just a few extra seconds to be considerate and kind to those who work there. Yes, part of their job is to provide goods and/or services for you, but that does not make them slaves to your every request.

The (Wo)man In The Mirror

Part of the new adventure that I am embarking on involves getting in better shape. And by that I mean some serious gym time. I've never balked at going to gyms- I actually really love working out. Zumba classes, free weights, circuits, bikes and ellipticals- sign me up. I'm still working on falling in love with running. In the past month or so, I started working with a trainer again. She's great and really pushes me when I think I can't do anymore. After a couple weeks working with her I had a profound realization. We typically do workouts in the women's workout room in front of a mirrored wall. My usual routine was to look down or away when completing a certain exercise, but she started to instruct me to look at myself in the mirror, both to check my form constantly and to focus. It was strangely uncomfortable. I kept wanting to look away, look up, look anywhere other than myself in that mirror. As I became aware, I started to dig and find out why I did this.

About six years ago, while attending BYU I became incredibly ill. I was constantly in pain and spent time visiting doctors, specialists, and ended up having two surgeries that semester. Before that I had been training to swim the English Channel and had been in pretty decent shape. The illness brought a sudden halt to all that. Then, as we tried various medications and treatment approaches, one particular treatment caused me to gain almost 40 pounds and I started to struggle with food. Any previous insecurities were magnified and my proclivity towards avoiding pictures of myself evolved to the point that I avoided looking at myself in the mirror unless putting on makeup. When taking pictures with friends and they would ask if I wanted to see, I always said no; I had already decided I didn't like it. That is so sad. Even as I type this, I realize even more how miserable I made myself. But not anymore. I'm done with all that.

The further I dug, the more I realized that the problem was only partly my weight/appearance. The other part was that I felt my outward appearance didn't match what is on the inside. Does that make sense? I would look at pictures and feel like it didn't even look like me. All of this creativity, happiness, joy, intelligence, etc- all the things that make me Me- don't show up in the mirror as easily.

Acknowledging that I was allowing this to happen has been the first step (and maybe the biggest step) in addressing the root of the problem. Extending my belief that my physical body is a gift, a temple, helps center me and focusing on the strength and wonder of my body helps me remember that vital truth. Part of Satan's distractions include the preoccupation with flaws or faults, both physical and spiritual. While admitting flaws will help in the refining process to make those into strengths, dwelling on them will only make us miserable.

In this last April General Conference (G.C. is in 4 days!!!!!), Elder Sitati gave a wonderful talk Sunday afternoon in which he made some remarks that have recently stood out to me. He said, " The body is the means by which we can attain our divine potential....Subduing includes gaining mastery over our own bodies. It does not include being helpless victims of these things or using them contrary to the will of God." Even with all the foibles and mortal weaknesses that accompany our physical bodies, they are the means by which we can attain our divine potential! And that is something to be celebrated!

I realize that with the topic of this post I should probably post a picture or a selfie to show that I love my body, but I didn't get around to it. I'm just not in the habit of taking lots of pictures. But I'm working on it. Probably within the next couple posts you'll get one ; )

So...

I'm starting with the (wo)man in the mirror
I'm asking her to change her ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change.

At A Crossroads

In the past few months, all three of my best friends have bought their first homes (wahoo!!), one welcomed her first baby ( I love Baby Jane!), another found she is expecting (awesome sauce), and the third got a coveted promotion at work (get it girl!). There is something wonderful about being surrounded by those who are taking part in these wonderful milestones, a life-affirming energy if you will. I am so incredibly grateful that they allow me to participate in any small way in their miracles, big and small.

At the same time, it has prompted some reflection and self evaluation. Am I making a difference? Do I feel challenged and excited? Is what I'm doing now helping me achieve my goals? Is what I'm doing helping me reach my potential and fulfill Heavenly Father's will for me? Questions that are a little harder to bring up at girls night or in casual texting. Questions that have brought me to my knees seeking divine guidance at what feels like a crossroads for me have also invited this incredible peace and assurance.

With these questions, prayers, seeking and asking, impressions and ideas have come as well the strength to move forward in these new directions. As I have become more familiar with the voice of the Spirit and how it speaks to me, I have identified that usually a sense of peace and clarity of thought are my top two signs. Only on two previous occasions did I feel that thoughts were placed in my mind that completely came out of left field, accompanied by very distinct words, phrases, or images of something I needed to do. The first time was when deciding to serve a mission. The second was moving to Arizona after the mission. For several weeks now similar impressions have been directing me as I seek more guidance and begin preparations for possibly a new adventure.  I'm still in early stages of this so more details will be coming forthwith, but for now I'm just excited for another beginning.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. " - Robert Frost

Defending the Family

I know I'm a few months late in posting some of the summer class, but I couldn't get this one out of my head plus you were just waiting for me to get to this point- the war chapters ( cue dramatic drumroll),  And frankly, so was I. With the recent Supreme Court decision, I couldn't help but feel that this lesson is needed more than ever. The Book of Mormon provides us with some incredible heroes, including war heroes like Teancum, Helaman, Lehi, and Pahoran, last but not least, Captain Moroni. In Alma chapter 50 it starts with Moroni fortifying the Nephite cities with walls, heaps of earths, works and pickets of timbers as well as towers to protect them. We can relate this to the most important thing (or people) we have to protect- our family. Just like the walls and towers were built as methods of protection, Heavenly Father has given us tools to protect the family from the arrows of the adversary. Family scripture study and prayer, family home evening, temples, priesthood power, uplifting music... the list could go on and in class we filled most of the whiteboard with such protections while listing the prophet, leaders, teachers, and parents as the towers around the city.

The Church published a statement regarding the Supreme Court decision and I would like to share some parts of that.

“The succession of federal court decisions in recent months, culminating in today’s announcement by the Supreme Court, will have no effect on the doctrinal position or practices of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which is that only marriage between a man and a woman is acceptable to God. In prizing freedom of conscience and Constitutional guarantees of the free exercise of religion, we will continue to teach that standard and uphold it in our religious practices.

“Nevertheless, respectful coexistence is possible with those with differing values. As far as the civil law is concerned, the courts have spoken. Church leaders will continue to encourage our people to be persons of good will toward all, rejecting persecution of any kind based on race, ethnicity, religious belief or non-belief, and differences in sexual orientation.”

"Marriage between a man and a woman was instituted by God and is central to His plan for His children and for the well-being of society. Strong families, guided by a loving mother and father, serve as the fundamental institution for nurturing children, instilling faith, and transmitting to future generations the moral strengths and values that are important to civilization and crucial to eternal salvation. Changes in the civil law do not, indeed cannot, change the moral law that God has established. God expects us to uphold and keep His commandments regardless of divergent opinions or trends in society. His law of chastity is clear: sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We urge you to review and teach Church members the doctrine contained in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.”

Just as those who promote same-sex marriage are entitled to civility, the same is true for those who oppose it. The Church insists on its leaders’ and members’ constitutionally protected right to express and advocate religious convictions on marriage, family, and morality free from retaliation or retribution. The Church is also entitled to maintain its standards of moral conduct and good standing for members...

While these matters will continue to evolve, we affirm that those who avail themselves of laws or court rulings authorizing same-sex marriage should not be treated disrespectfully. The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us to love and treat all people with kindness and civility—even when we disagree." 

Our issue with same-sex marriage is not about equality or tolerance, but rather about our understanding of Heavenly Father's plan and purpose for His children. As we all seek to provide the very best for the families we love, we strive to keep in mind not just what we want for them but also what our Heavenly Father wants to all of us.

Unprofitable Servants

A few weeks ago I was studying Mosiah 2:21, which says in part, " if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants." This time through that honestly felt incredibly overwhelming- that no matter how hard I try it won't be enough. Then as I read it again, went to the cross-references, and pondered I realized that it isn't a commentary on individual worth; rather, it is noting our ability or capacity to save ourselves. Only Christ can do that. All our attempts to do that are pointless and futile (part of the definition of "unprofitable"). Though we might consecrate all our time and efforts to building the Lord's kingdom, or perfecting the Saints or redeeming the dead (or a combination of all three hopefully), it will not produce power sufficient to redeem us. Do our efforts matter? Absolutely. They teach us, shape us, and in all the examples of "laboring diligently" in the Book of Mormon are actually a part of sanctification. And if we continue in our efforts to grow and change then we can become valued stewards and instruments in the hands of the Lord. For anyone else who wonders if they are good enough or might become discouraged at first when reading this verse, fear not. We are beloved sons and daughters of a Heavenly Father and we are not "earning our way to heaven" through our own works or efforts. But we are "learning heaven" as Brother Brad Wilcox explained. Faith in and grace through the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the only power sufficient to save and redeem us, but faith is also an action verb. If we truly believe Christ, we know we must do all we can to act on that belief. As we learn what the Savior would do and the will of Heavenly Father we are truly refined.

Another perspective perhaps would be to wonder where the "profits" that this servant would want are going. If I serve the Lord, but desire to receive glory and rewards for righteousness then I truly am unprofitable to Heavenly Father no matter how much time I pencil in to serve. However, if my heart is in a different place- wanting to serve because I truly love Heavenly Father and the Savior- and allow the "profits" to go to Him and His kingdom, one day I might become the "good and faithful servant".

President Monson once told us the this is a gospel of great expectations and when we read that verse in Mosiah or in Helaman 12:7 - "how great is the nothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are less than the dust of the earth...", it can be easy to give into the whisperings  that we are forever falling short. Don't you believe it! The Spirit always builds us up and the adversary will always tear us down. Though we are all still imperfect, we are of infinite worth. Not because of anything we can accomplish or achieve, not because of how we look or don't look, but because we are His.

The (Dating) Struggle is Real

Dating can be fun, exciting, and really adventurous. And it can also be nerve-wracking, scary, and hard. So many people tell me "just enjoy this stage" or "relax and have fun" and sometimes that helps me let go and brave this whole wide world of dating. Other times, it just frustrates me. Just since I graduated high school I have watched the path of dating become increasingly steep. Now when I start to talk about this subject, I need to first establish that I'm not bashing or blaming anyone. It's a cop-out to say that "men are just lazy" or "women are too demanding", etc; not only is it fairly untrue, it's demeaning and only serves to worsen the gap between the sexes. Somehow we already find ourselves in a society that pits the sexes against each other in a pseudo battle for who is the "best", as if by making one seem inferior the other is thereby superior. I refuse to be part of it. I refuse to sit silently while the media jabbers on and drives us further apart.

Recently I was discussing with several wonderful friends of mine the situation we find ourselves in--the young single adult generation in a family-centered religion in a society that is attacking the family in full force. It shouldn't be surprising that the attacks are starting before we even form our own families- the temptations and obstacles start very early in the dating process. In our frustration it is easy to say "what is wrong with men these days?", but even as it comes out of our mouths we know that the real thought each of us have is "what is wrong with me?" Therein lies the primary temptation I believe that Satan is employing against Latter-day Saint women; this idea that we are not enough, that we have to do more and do it better leaves many sisters frustrated with themselves. Living in a society focused on "empowering" women, many of the pressures actually do the opposite as we feel we can never measure up. As we seek to understand the scripture stating that we are saved "after all we can do", it is easy to place incredible pressure on ourselves and create overly high expectations if we forgot to factor in the grace of the Savior. And by factor in, I mean realize that it makes all the difference in every possible way.

In speaking with my guy friends and reflecting on recent dating, I've also realized that while the temptations and challenges for men are just as real and strong, they seem to be very different than what is plaguing Mormon women. While I'm sure feelings of inadequacy are an issue, we see the pressure for men to "relax" and "live life before settling down". For some that means traveling and having adventures. For others that means ignoring any coaxing to date seriously and to just date for fun. And still others lose themselves in a world of virtual reality as they seek to fulfill those heroic protector roles. If the world is telling women to "go full throttle", it's in part telling men to be content to just float along. Both are incredibly destructive to serious dating, forming relationships and eventually to marriage and starting families.

Men- we need you! Not perfection or constant adventure or wealth... just you. Women- give yourselves a break sometimes. This post is by no means a definitive study on LDS dating, just some thoughts. But lest I fall into the trap of randomly throwing out opinions on the internet without any action (who does that?), I'm working on what I'm going to change. For so long I've lived by the idea that I can only control myself and my actions (which is mostly true), but sometimes have neglected to recognize how much I can affect others. I can stop making comments like "what's wrong with men?" or "men are so frustrating" etc. I know I can do more to build you up, to praise your efforts, and support you in any and all good endeavors. I'm going to cut myself a break...sometimes, and remember that I just need to be me, not some superhero (because obviously we know that most superheros have commitment issues and tend to brood a lot when they aren't saving the world). So enough of that!

The dating struggle is real, but it doesn't have to be forever if we'll all work to support and encourage one another. I'll report on my progress.

Breaking Chains

Along with all our stellar examples of families in the Book of Mormon comes a fair share of the dysfunctional ones. Like King Noah or King Lamoni and his father. Just like how sometimes we identify more with Laman and Lemuel than Nephi, it is most likely that our own families fall somewhere in between Lehi's leadership and Lamoni's father trying to kill him.

Some chains and cycles are passed down through the generations, but all it takes is one person to make the choice to break away. That's doesn't mean it's easy, just that it is possible through Christ. Two examples of breaking the pride cycle in particular stand out to me in the Book of Mormon. I can't remember how many Sunday School lessons mentioned or rather warned us about the pride cycle.  

People are righteous and blessed for their faithfulness. However, all that prosperity goes to their heads allowing pride and arrogance to come back. Then humbling challenges such as war or famine make an appearance to help them get to a humble and repentant state. It repeats over and over, and over through the scriptures. Sometimes I catch myself feeling irritated or frustrated with these people, only to reflect that my pride cycle may be even shorter in duration (between humility and pride that is). Fortunately for us there are two instances shared with us about when the pride cycle was broken.

The first is found in the first chapter of Alma as Alma the Younger becomes the first chief judge in the land as well as the high priest over the church. Most of the chapter details the second of the infamous anti-Christ's detailed in the Book of Mormon, Nehor. He introduces priestcraft and attempts to enforce by the sword and ends up killing Gideon. There is quite the uproar and flash of apostasy among the people until Alma resolves the issue and reinforces teaching the gospel. As is common after a "trial", they make note that they are humble. Yet we start to see the warning signs right after in verse 29. "And thus they did establish the affairs of the church; and thus they began to have continual peace again, notwithstanding all their persecutions. 29 And now, because of the steadiness of the church they began to be exceedingly rich, having abundance of all things whatsoever they stood in need—an abundance of flocks and herds, and fatlings of every kind, and also abundance of grain, and of gold, and of silver, and of precious things, and abundance of silk and fine-twined linen, and all manner of good homely cloth."- Uh-oh, all the classic signs leading to pride, however...

"30 And thus, in their prosperous circumstances, they did not send away any who were naked, or that were hungry, or that were athirst, or that were sick, or that had not been nourished; and they did not set their hearts upon riches; therefore they were liberal to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, whether out of the church or in the church, having no respect to persons as to those who stood in need. 31 And thus they did prosper and become far more wealthy than those who did not belong to their church."

How did they do it? Charity, love, and humility.

A similar situation is found in 4 Nephi 1:7,10, 15-16. After Christ's visitation to the Americas, a peace and righteousness permeated the land for hundreds of years. Despite the warning signs of prosperity, we find in verses 15-16 that "there was no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people. And there were no envyings, nor strifes, nor tumults, nor whoredoms, nor lyings, nor murders, nor any manner of lasciviousness; and surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God."

How did they do it? Love, righteousness, and humility.

Whatever the chains that bind us and our families are made of (addiction, abuse, or even just contention or casualness in the gospel), those very same tools can be utilized to break the chains. We watch as King Lamoni not only converts to the gospel, but then goes on to influence thousands of his people. I'm not saying it's easy. Breaking any pattern from bad habit to full addiction is work, but it is work that can be done hand in hand with the Savior.

Learning and Language of the Father

So I'm about a month behind in my little spotlights from the summer institute class about the teachings of The Book of Mormon on the family, but I still want to share a few thoughts from those lessons.

In the well-read first verse of Nephi we find the phrase "I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father..." and the second verse clarifies a little stating that it, "consists of the learning of the Jews and the language of the Egyptians." And later on, in the first chapter of Mosiah, King Benjamin emphasizes the same idea, "And he caused that they should be taught in all the language of his fathers, that thereby they might become men of understanding...for he having been taught in the language of the Egyptians therefore he could read these engravings, and teach them to his children, that thereby they could teach them to their children, and so fulfilling the commandments of God, even down to this present time."

We could take that literally and talk about what the actual learning and language of the fathers might be. A cultural learning including the law of Moses, an understanding of their relationship with God, the blessings associated with the Abrahamic covenant, etc. Perhaps a dialect found among the Hebrews that reflected the Egyptian influence. Some interesting insights can definitely be found in that avenue of study.

However, the interpretation that I found in this study of those verses seemed to point more towards a spiritual language taught and learned within the family relationships. Is it not within the family that we first learn the languages of love and the language of the Spirit? As we observe and then emulate our parents, we begin to take note of how the Spirit is manifest, felt, and understood uniquely for each individual--indeed a confusing language for a beginner. However, as we watch how others hear and use the languages of the Spirit, we can begin to understand how the Lord speaks to us.  Similarly, within our closest family relationships we have the privilege to learn how to express love through a myriad of methods such as service, words, time, and affection.

We could also talk about the language of prayer and the learning of the scriptures that is nurtured in the family that are truly how we communicate with our Father in Heaven. Are we practicing these languages within our own families? Just like learning any new language it requires work and dedication to master, but the rewards will be infinitely sweeter as we use it to improve our relationships. Maybe that will be through recognizing spiritual promptings or understanding how a sibling needs to feel loved. Whatever the practical application of this may look like for our individual families, it is my testimony that in so doing we will become "men [and women] of understanding" and more fully "fulfill the commandments of God."

Trying

Somehow I got all mixed up- trying to get love for doing instead of being and feeling ashamed of being instead of just guilty for (not) doing, And somewhere I started to define strength as not being weak, not being scared. But I think the Lord has a better perspective on true strength- it includes having weaknesses and fears and not letting them win; it includes choosing faith instead of doubt. Part true strength is letting go of control instead of holding on. Strength is not measured by individual courage or valor alone, but also by the awareness that help is needed...constantly.

This past month has been challenging to say the least. Thanks to several tender mercies, some great friends, and a complete breakdown, I realized I was running on fumes and neglecting to take care of myself. So I'm on the road to fixing that. I have to give myself permission to simplify, to take care of me, and to fail in my quest for success. Most of the pressure was internal to do everything I was interested in all at once and do it well.

In April conference, a talk entitled "Latter-day Saints Keep On Trying" caught my attention. I couldn't help but ask myself what it is that we are supposed to keep trying to do or be. We keep trying to develop faith, the repent, to be charitable, to keep covenants, to recognize the Spirit... basically to live the gospel. We keep trying to become more Christlike, to forgive, be humble and patient, and to love. President Thomas S. Monson has taught, “One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final." Perhaps failure is just success that is not yet complete and trying is the connection between the two--just like trusting Heavenly Father connects weakness to strength. Elder Renlund went on to say, "God’s desire that Latter-day Saints keep on trying also extends beyond overcoming sin. Whether we suffer because of troubled relationships ( um, yes), economic challenges (check), or illnesses (amen) or as a consequence of someone else’s sins (so true), the Savior’s infinite Atonement can heal." So here's to the beautiful heartbreak that is trying and failing and trying again and falling short and trying yet again and again--and realizing that He's been carrying me the whole time.

When Love Isn't Enough

"How do you look at someone you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away?" (John, Dear John)

 

 

When loyalty is the keystone of love, when must you hold on and be patient as opposed to letting go and moving on? I'm not shy about talking about or dreaming about love; love is vital, particularly for an optimistic romantic such as myself. But love alone cannot make a relationship or marriage work unless it is coupled with commitment, trust, and communication. So when I typically refer to love, I'm referring to the type of love that encompasses all of those elements. When the feeling of love doesn't translate into the actions of love, it isn't enough. When we take passion or attraction and call it love, it isn't enough. When the love lacks trust or friendship or communication, it isn't enough.

  Love cannot change free will or force other elements; that would go against the very nature of love. One person can choose to love freely with all that comes with- commitment, trust, sacrifice, and work- yet if the other one does not make the same choice you will find yourself at an impasse. Love is a choice, or rather a series of choices with someone you never want to let go. President Thomas S. Monson has said, " Choose your love. Love your choice."

Sibling Squabbles and Spiritual Gifts

Sorry, we're missing Cortney in this one, but it's the most recent I have!

I have been blessed with five incredible siblings, each uniquely different and wonderful. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be who I am today without my relationship with each one of them- from the way they tease me mercilessly to how protective we are of each other, from crazy hard times to the best of adventures. Just as with any other relationship, as much as we love each other there can be frustrations and disagreements. Growing up with a group of siblings can mean you always have back up, but it can also mean they know just how to get under your skin. In institute this week we focused on some of the sibling relationships found in the Book of Mormon which gives us insight and inspiration for our own brothers and sisters.

Ok, this is really Helaman teaching his sons, but it's a good family pic, right?

Perhaps the most classic example is found with Nephi and his brothers. Six brothers raised by a prophet and with their unique spiritual gifts, experiences, and of course their agency, we get the chance to watch their lives unfold. We learn the most about Nephi as he is the author of the first two books in the Book of Mormon- we learn he has the gifts of knowledge and obedience, of humility and compassion. Brief insights are shared about Sam (1 Nephi 2:17) telling us that he had the gifts of faith to believe in other's words and obedience. While Sam never becomes the prophet (as their younger brother Jacob does), he never wavers or falters, but is faithful and steadfast. He reminds me of the quote, " If serving is below you, then leadership is beyond you." Perhaps one of his most valuable contributions to his family was his quiet and humble service as he followed the prophets of God within his own family. With wonderful examples like Nephi and Sam, it is no wonder that Jacob became an extraordinary prophet who saw Christ (2 Nephi 11:3), preached powerfully (Jacob 2,5), and contended with the anti-Christ, Sherem (Jacob 7). He always reminds me of Elder Bednar- powerful, a little serious and sober, and incredibly caring and compassionate. These three used their spiritual gifts to bless and lead their families in righteousness.

We see the other side with Laman and Lemuel, who while going through the same experiences as the others, choose not to develop their gifts and instead bring frustration and heartache. It might be easy to wonder if they even have spiritual gifts since all the stories we get are negative, but hidden in there are glimpses of their potential. Laman, as the oldest, was gifted with leadership. Every time he rebelled he was persuasive enough to not only bring his brother into it, but typically many others. We see this in the wilderness ( 1 Nephi 7:6) when two daughters and two sons of Ishmael also follow them. Their father, Lehi, even acknowledged some those of gifts  in 1 Nephi 2 as he compared Laman to a river and Lemuel to the valley, pointing out Laman's strength and might and Lemuel's steadfastness. Instead of turning to the Lord, they turned inward and strength became resentment and steadfastness became stubbornness.

We see another example with the sons of Alma- Helaman, Shiblon, and Corianton. Helaman is entrusted with the plates and later is appointed leader of the 2000 stripling warriors, a man of compassionate strength and a firm testimony. Shiblon is described in Alma 38 as " faithful", "steady", "diligent" and "patient", truly a man without guile. He served a faithful mission and was entrusted with the plates after Helaman's death. Corianton at first appears to be the black sheep; he committed some sins (broke the law of chastity) while on his mission and caused many to not believe the message of the gospel. We are able to see his repentance and through his father's words to him, we see he has a bright and inquisitive mind. Due to many of the questions he had about resurrection and the plan of salvation, we have the wonderful instruction in Alma 40-42. He goes on to become a powerful missionary and to serve the Lord all his days. I myself have not sinned in that manner, but I listened in awe as other missionaries shared stories of personal repentance and the power of the Atonement to cleanse and forgive. In fact, any experience of applying the Atonement is a powerful missionary tool as well as a blessing within our families.

It may be easy to analyze Lehi's or Alma's sons, but it might not be that different from our own families. No one is perfect, but we all have spiritual gifts and unique experiences that can uplift and bless our other family members. When we go through trials and experiences in which we strive to learn all we can and grow, we can then share that understanding and knowledge with our families to support and succor them through their individual trials.

It is my testimony that we are given the parents and siblings we are given for very specific and powerful purposes. Their gifts can complement our own and help us become all we can be. Each of us can decide to use our agency and spiritual gifts to bless, uplift, and help those we love most. And instead of focusing on petty annoying disagreements with them, we can focus on their gifts and talents.

Figuring Out The Family ( Starring The Book of Mormon)

I love the Book of Mormon. Actually, I love all scriptures, however the Book of Mormon holds a special place in my heart. Following counsel from Elder Bednar, every time I finish it I start over with a new study or theme. About eighteen months ago as I was finishing my mission and completing a study of the Book of Mormon and the Atonement, I started praying to know what I should focus on next. The impression was very clear- focus on the family. With help from The Family: A Proclamation to the World, I began studying and pondering on how to build successful families based off the "principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities...". The Book of Mormon is filled with lots of families and their relationships with each other and with the gospel of Jesus Christ- it starts with the story of Lehi's family and ends with a father and son story of Mormon and Moroni.

 

 

Throughout the course of my study, I have been instructed by the Spirit to improve my family relationships and to prepare myself to create my own eternal family; it has been an incredible blessing in my life. So recently, when given the privilege to teach an institute class for my stake this summer, they allowed me to create my own class on this very topic. Anyone who has ever been in a class with me knows how excited I get and this class is no different. This is applying principles and examples from Lehi, Nephi, Alma, Mosiah, etc to our real relationships!!

 

We started off talking about the doctrine of the family and the family of God. We talked about types and shadows- normally we talk about how prophets are types and shadows of Christ, but we talked about how our earthly families and relationships are types and shadows of our eternal family relationships. So incredible!

Sister Esplin in this last General Conference reminded us that"strong eternal families and Spirit-filled homes do not just happen. They take great effort, they take time, and they take each member of the family doing his or her part. Every home is different, but every home where even one individual seeks for truth can make a difference.”

Then last night, we dove into the scriptures, particularly the example of Lehi as a "goodly parent" and his example of obedience, faith, prayer, and humility just to name a few. It is interesting to note that all other accounts of prophets are written either first hand by the prophet or by a separate/unattached individual ( Mormon abridging some records, etc) so perhaps our stories of Lehi are the only ones told by a son. It gives us a different insight into who he really was. We discussed the interaction of agency and faith within the family; we know Heavenly Father will never take away our agency or force us to believe or do anything. Yet we also recognize the power of faith and came to the conclusion as a class that while our faith cannot force anyone to choose the right, it can influence and create circumstances that encourage the righteous exercise of agency ( See Mosiah 27:14).

We learn that Lehi wasn't perfect, as a prophet or as a parent (shocking, I know), in the account of Nephi's bow (1 Nephi 16:20-25). However, Nephi's response to his father is humble and incredibly applicable to all of us. He prepares himself and then asks his father where he should go to obtain food. We know Nephi understood how to pray and receive answers, but the amount of respect and honor he had for Lehi, both as his father and as the prophet, it instructive. When his father was struggling, he showed an increase of trust in him and a willingness to obey ( a mirror of Lehi's obedience in leaving Jerusalem). Families and individuals are not perfect- there are going to be disappointments and frustrations. And while we cannot control the actions of those we love so dearly, we can control our responses to them.

Those are just a few of the wonderful lessons from Lehi and I'm excited to share, discuss, and explore how we can "figure out" the family.

So There's This Boy...

So...there's this boy. Well, more of a man. And he has unconsciously pushed my blogging down off my list of priorities. For all my friends, family and faithful readers, I'm still here and I've still got lots to say, but my now boyfriend tends to hear more of it. Let me repent of that and give you a little update.

I have to back up a little actually. Beginning of this year I was a little frustrated with the dating scene in general. I was going to all the activities and places I should be and only found the same group of people (including boys who never asked me out and the one who broke my heart in January). So I decided to take matters into my own hands. In addition to my regular institute class, I signed up for a Spanish institute class at another institute I'd never been to. Then I started volunteering at other places in an effort to meet more people and put myself in new situations. It was fun. In my process of working on me and healing, I let myself just have fun. And that's when I met M.

We met at institute one week and his friend invited me to family home evening the next week. From there I was invited to the Latin dances and other activities. One night after institute a group of us went to grab a bite to eat then the week after as well. Then one week it was just the two of us. And the week after that. In all honesty I didn't know if I liked him at this point- he was great and we were becoming good friends and I could tell he liked me. Maybe because I was still nursing a broken heart or I just needed to take it slow or what, but I told a friend of mine that I didn't know how I felt about him but I'd give him a chance. So the following week when he went with me to see a chick flick he'd already seen (Cinderella), I knew something was going on.

Then one night, after going to a fireside together, we were walking around the Mesa temple playing 20 Questions. He asked me, " If there is something challenging in your life that you would like my advice about, what would it be?" Moments of clarity and stillness are rare, but everything went quiet for me as a little voice inside my head whispered, " Well, Kristi... you can be brave here or you can chicken out. You decide." You will be excited to know that I was brave. Sometimes all it takes is 30 seconds of insane courage, right? So I told him that there was this guy who I was great friends with and enjoyed being around and I didn't know how he felt about me or what was going on. The look on his face was priceless. I could tell he wasn't sure if I was referring to him and he kept his answer pretty diplomatic by telling me that I should be honest and ask him directly what this guy thought and felt about me. I waited maybe two heartbeats before turning to him and asking, " Well, M, what do you think about me?" Long story short, he asked me to be his girlfriend that night.

It was unexpected. And it's wonderful and different. Before in relationships there was always a bit of a frantic feeling, excitement and nervousness all the time. With M, there's a lot of peace. Sure, we disagree on things, especially considering that we come from two different cultures, but overall there is just this peace. He makes me laugh and he challenges me to think differently. He is so respectful and caring. He loves the gospel and has one of the most generous hearts I've ever seen. Early on, we are both aware of potential challenges or obstacles we will face, but he's worth fighting for.

"A lasting relationship is...about compatibility and communication. And you both need to want it to work. If one person does not want it to work, it isn't going to work,...Intention is the key. It's also about not losing yourself in each other. Being together, two pillars holding up the house and the roof, and being different, not having to agree on everything, learning how to deal with not agreeing. Everything's a choice."- Goldie Hawn

And love is a choice, but the choice that makes everything else worthwhile. I will keep you updated.

Eternal Identity of Mothers



I know I'm a little late in posting about Mother's Day, but honestly don't we women get more than one day to celebrate? I love my mother- she inspires me with her faith and strength. And I'm grateful for so many women who have "mothered" me over the years; the leaders and mentors, roommates and friends who have encouraged, inspired, corrected and loved me. This is for all of you. I read this talk by Sister Patricia Holland about womanhood and this quote rang so true.

“In a poignant exchange with God, Adam states that he will call the woman Eve. And why does he call her Eve? ‘Because she is the mother of all living.’…

 As I tenderly acknowledge the very real pain that many single women, or married women who have not borne children, feel about any discussion of motherhood, could we consider this one possibility of our eternal female identity--our unity in our diversity. Eve was given the identity of ‘the mother of all living’ years, decades, perhaps centuries before she ever bore a child. It would appear that her motherhood preceded her maternity just as surely as the perfection of the Garden preceded the struggles of mortality. I believe mother is one of those very carefully chosen words, one of those words rich with meaning after meaning after meaning. We must not, at all costs, let that word divide us. I believe with all my heart that it is first and foremost a statement about our nature, not a head count of our children.

I have only three children and have wept that I could not have eight. (Some of you may have eight and weep that you can't have three.) And I know that some of you without any have wept too... Some women give birth and raise children but never "mother" them. Others, whom I love with all my heart, "mother" all their lives but have never given birth. Thus we must understand that however we accomplish it, parenthood is the highest of callings, the holiest of assignments. And all of us are Eve's daughters, married or single, maternal or barren, every one of us.We are created in the image of God to become gods and goddesses. And we can provide something of that divine patter, that maternal prototype, for each other and for those who come after us. Whatever our circumstances, we can reach out, touch, hold, life and nurture..."

Happy Mother's Day to all the incredible women in my life!

Shooting Star

 Sometimes I craft a poem when I'm in the mood and I remember my senior year literature class when we studied both the content and form of poetry. I fell in love with all the layers of meaning and how to write a feeling without saying it. But I'll save that discussion for another post. About half the time, I consciously work to create something. Other times it just comes out. This was one of those times. Lately my thoughts have been with a sweet friend of mine and her husband as they've discovered during her pregnancy that their son has a rare genetic condition and he will not live long after birth. My heart goes out to them and I have been inspired by their examples of faith and trust. We live far apart and for months now I've been wondering what I could do for them. And though it isn't much, this is what came. Dedicated to Baby Carter and all those who have lost a loved one too young.

 

Shooting Star

Dedicated to Baby Carter

Dearest darling,

though at present our time is short,

we know this isn’t the end, but the start.

Like a shooting star flashing across the sky,

your pure light illuminated my heart.

Here just a moment then out of sight,

trailing parts of heaven and glory in your wake.

And though seemingly back to the way it was before,

everything is different if I do a double take.

In your brief glimpse of this mortal world,

it is my hope that you felt the best it contains.

Did you pause at the majestic awakening of the sun,

and bask in the peace when only twilight remains?

Did you inhale the fresh air from mountains’ peak,

or dive deep to search the ocean floor?

Did you see the blush of spring or autumn’s display,

and in seeing all that, realize it was just the door?
 

The door to an experience beyond sight and sound,

of connections and discoveries galore.

For each and every one of us the span isn’t long,

but it is filled with potential and possibilities to explore.

With such a quick glance as you passed through,

I will take a moment to record it for you.

I’ll put all my favorites, not in a jar,

but in my soul to live with you in mind.

There’s dancing in rain and twinkling Christmas lights,

the joy of selfless service and the courage to be kind.

I’ll treasure the thrill of discovering a passion,

and the exhaustion of seeing it to the end,

The challenge of a new job or going back to school,

as well as being brave and standing up for a friend.

But most importantly, there’s love--

in all it’s incredible shapes and sizes.

The power of siblings who always have your back,

and the support of friends no matter what arises.

There’s love so strong between a parent and child,

the type that enlarges the heart and never can sever.

I’ll hold onto the excitement of first love and falling,

while I join hands with the one I’ll love forever.

Like a flash, you lit up the night,

bringing both sorrow and joy into our days.

You reminded is to cherish every moment

and to keep perspective in life’s little delays.

Darling dearest, you came, conquered and then you were gone,

leaving an echo urging us to press on.

Love = Courage

 

 

It is relatively easy to be courageous for a moment. Most people can be brave for an hour or a day. In moments fueled by pure adrenaline, ordinary people can accomplish incredible feats. It is the daily courage required to face sustained pressure and trial that is rare. It is the constant courage it requires to love someone so completely with a vulnerable heart that is truly awe-inspiring. At first glance, I may not appear to be a courageous person. I don't take daring risks or have a career where I do dangerous things, but we all have courage in our way. You make me brave, love. Loving you allows me a courage that is beyond myself. Perhaps love is just another synonym for courage. The courage to let someone in, to trust them with your whole soul, to depend on them when things get tough, and to give your heart away. Yes, love is courage.

Forces for Good

Service always makes me happy. I know that's not why we should do it, but it's true that it does. And beyond that, with the increasing opportunities to serve I find that it is within those places that I find true beauty and some of the greatest goodness. I had the chance to volunteer several places on Thursday, with my hospice patients doing music therapy, at the Mesa temple, and packing food with Feed My Starving Children.  We hear often about the dark despair in the world today- the news is full of horrible crimes, discrimination and prejudice, political corruption, and all kinds of evil. In a world surrounded by all that, it may at times be challenging to find the very best people have to offer. It has long been my belief that while dark times bring out the worst in people, they also bring out the best of mankind.

I see that as I sing to my sweet hospice patients. As they near the end of this mortal life, more often than not there is some pain and hardship, but at the same time you find those caregivers who compassionately serve through all of it. You can feel the sweetness of peace as they reflect over lives well-lived and families well-loved. And I am reassured time and time again that the mortal life is not the end, rather it is the beginning. That the pain they feel now, whatever physical or mental deformities they have, will be healed and made perfect in the resurrection. Because of them, I feel like I can be a force for good in this world; I can take the wisdom they share with me to bless others.

As I serve regularly in the temple, I never cease to marvel at the complete peace and protection the temple brings. Many temples are in the midst of busy cities, yet within those walls the voices of the world fade away and you can center yourself again with Heavenly Father. Not only that, but as I go regularly to do work for my ancestors, to allow them the opportunity to accept the gospel of Jesus Christ, I am uplifted by an immeasurable joy. Never am I more aware that I am in the temple that I am part of a very large family--I feel connected not only to living relatives, but I have come to know my great-great grandparents (and way beyond that). As I discovered a woman eight generations ago in Ireland whose 5 year old daughter died while she was pregnant with her second little girl, I cried for her and rejoiced with all my heart when I was able to perform the sealing work for that family.

Within the past six weeks or so, I was introduced to a wonderful non-profit organization called Feed My Starving Children. "Founded in 1987, Feed My Starving Children (FMSC) is a Christian non-profit organization committed to feeding God's children hungry in body and spirit. The approach is simple: volunteers hand-pack meals specially formulated for malnourished children, and we send them to partners around the world where they're used to operate orphanages, schools, clinics and feeding programs to break the cycle of poverty. FMSC food has reached more than 70 countries in our history." In a world in which 6,200 children die from malnutrition and starvation every day, we have the opportunity to make a difference and to change that statistic.While we obsess so much about appearance, fashion and beauty in our society, some of the most beautiful people I have met work all day in hairnets, little make-up, and jeans and T-shirts to pack and ship meals for children around the world.

These thoughts of reflection and gratitude were already simmering when I saw the news yesterday morning regarding the memorial services held in Armenia and Turkey to commemorate the Armenian genocide 100 years ago. A devastating tragedy in all respects, not only in the millions of lives lost, but in the respect that we did not learn from it quickly enough to stop the Holocaust and the acts of genocide committed around the world from Russia to the Dominican Republic. But again, during the darkest hours the brightest lights can be seen. One American man in the midst of the Armenian genocide managed to save over 250,000 people. Miep Gies, Oskar Schindler and Corrie ten Boom are some of the well known rescuers of the Holocaust, along with thousands more like the Danish fisherman who hid Jews on their boats to take them over to Sweden and Norway for refuge. Incredible acts of compassion and heroism, both published and relatively unknown, can be found when the goodness of man rises up to fight the darkness.

I would be naive if I didn't acknowledge the amount of greed, corruption, filth, cruelty, and evil in this world, but I would be foolish not to recognize that at the same time the forces of light, truth, courage, and kindness are just as strong. And when I serve (and you serve) I put myself not only to in places to find those sources, but also on the path to become a source of goodness.

If you are looking for opportunities to serve near you, whether it be a regular thing or a big service project, here are some websites that are wonderful resources : JustServe , Volunteer Match,  and Create the Good.