The (Wo)man In The Mirror

Part of the new adventure that I am embarking on involves getting in better shape. And by that I mean some serious gym time. I've never balked at going to gyms- I actually really love working out. Zumba classes, free weights, circuits, bikes and ellipticals- sign me up. I'm still working on falling in love with running. In the past month or so, I started working with a trainer again. She's great and really pushes me when I think I can't do anymore. After a couple weeks working with her I had a profound realization. We typically do workouts in the women's workout room in front of a mirrored wall. My usual routine was to look down or away when completing a certain exercise, but she started to instruct me to look at myself in the mirror, both to check my form constantly and to focus. It was strangely uncomfortable. I kept wanting to look away, look up, look anywhere other than myself in that mirror. As I became aware, I started to dig and find out why I did this.

About six years ago, while attending BYU I became incredibly ill. I was constantly in pain and spent time visiting doctors, specialists, and ended up having two surgeries that semester. Before that I had been training to swim the English Channel and had been in pretty decent shape. The illness brought a sudden halt to all that. Then, as we tried various medications and treatment approaches, one particular treatment caused me to gain almost 40 pounds and I started to struggle with food. Any previous insecurities were magnified and my proclivity towards avoiding pictures of myself evolved to the point that I avoided looking at myself in the mirror unless putting on makeup. When taking pictures with friends and they would ask if I wanted to see, I always said no; I had already decided I didn't like it. That is so sad. Even as I type this, I realize even more how miserable I made myself. But not anymore. I'm done with all that.

The further I dug, the more I realized that the problem was only partly my weight/appearance. The other part was that I felt my outward appearance didn't match what is on the inside. Does that make sense? I would look at pictures and feel like it didn't even look like me. All of this creativity, happiness, joy, intelligence, etc- all the things that make me Me- don't show up in the mirror as easily.

Acknowledging that I was allowing this to happen has been the first step (and maybe the biggest step) in addressing the root of the problem. Extending my belief that my physical body is a gift, a temple, helps center me and focusing on the strength and wonder of my body helps me remember that vital truth. Part of Satan's distractions include the preoccupation with flaws or faults, both physical and spiritual. While admitting flaws will help in the refining process to make those into strengths, dwelling on them will only make us miserable.

In this last April General Conference (G.C. is in 4 days!!!!!), Elder Sitati gave a wonderful talk Sunday afternoon in which he made some remarks that have recently stood out to me. He said, " The body is the means by which we can attain our divine potential....Subduing includes gaining mastery over our own bodies. It does not include being helpless victims of these things or using them contrary to the will of God." Even with all the foibles and mortal weaknesses that accompany our physical bodies, they are the means by which we can attain our divine potential! And that is something to be celebrated!

I realize that with the topic of this post I should probably post a picture or a selfie to show that I love my body, but I didn't get around to it. I'm just not in the habit of taking lots of pictures. But I'm working on it. Probably within the next couple posts you'll get one ; )

So...

I'm starting with the (wo)man in the mirror
I'm asking her to change her ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change.