If a friend comes to me for dating or guy advice, my typical response tends to be bold. Put yourself out there, tell him how you feel, etc. I am, after all, an optimistic romantic. I believe in taking risks for love, like my favorite quote by Erica Jong--"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.” I've done it like that before; yes, I got my heart broken a time or two, but I've learned and grown in incredible ways. But it's not easy.
So for the past couple months, I've been "working on" a flirtation. Now, I don't want you to think I'm playing games or scheming, but strategizing might fit. He's important to me and I don't want to mess it up. Because I do have that tendency to rush in and ruin everything. I respect him and care about him. He makes me laugh. challenges me, and makes my heart flutter a little...ok, a lot. Without too much detail, I have this "long game" plan (Dr. Lightman reference if you missed that), basically meaning that this is a slow steady strategy. And it's been moving along quite nicely if I do say so myself. But last night some doubts crept in. All of these other women were flirting with him and suddenly I find myself wondering if I'm really as good for him as I think, wondering if he will ever care about me...and then before you know it, that nasty little voice pipes up with things like "why would anyone love you?" and "you're never going to be good enough for someone like him".
Here I was thinking I'd made great progress in my self confidence, in my ability to openly love, to take chances again. So there I was, sitting in my institute class, feeling immensely stupid and wanting to cry. But I did not. Instead, I mentally told myself to get it together, reminding myself that my stake president had recently told us sisters that "we were born being enough". If he is really as important to me as I've been thinking, then he's worth it. I made myself evaluate if these thoughts (not the last couple) were impressions that this wasn't right for me, or just the standard opposition that comes with anything and anyone worthwhile. I finally decided it was the latter.
Then, just as I'm mentally getting a handle on this turmoil, we start talking about grace in class. About 2 Nephi 25:23-"For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." That last phrase tends to trouble some who wonder about grace and works, about doing all we can do and yet knowing that alone we can never do enough. (Here is a great talk on the subject if you're interested). That discussion can be a whole other post, but one thing that helped me understand it better was on how you view the pronouns in the scripture. "We" (referring to each and every one of us) are saved, after all "we" (referring to the partnership between each of us and Christ) can do. With him, everything is possible. And we must work at it too, not just hang on to his coat tails, because he is not just saving us- he is teaching us to become like him. Like I said, a post for another time. In the midst of our discussion on grace, someone said something that hit me hard. They said, " I often have to ask myself, 'Am I still trying to do this on my own?' ".
Am I trying to do this on my own? Trying to make it work by sheer will?
I've prayed a lot about dating, about preparing for an eternal marriage and family. I've studied and pondered on how I can improve and prepare personally. But as soon as that question was said in class, I knew I was still trying to do it myself. The one thing I want more than anything, the most important relationship- and I have been trying to develop it on my own. I've prayed for guidance, for inspiration, for opportunities, etc. But the Spirit whispered that I wasn't trusting the Lord enough, that the Atonement covers the insecurities and pitfalls of dating.
I tend to write as my thought process goes, but the biggest take away from this for me was an ever increasing awe and wonder for the breadth and depth of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Not only did He acutely feel the heartache and insecurities of dating, but He also enables us to be our best self, to offer the very best part of ourselves to another person and promise eternity. I know He doesn't make us the "perfect" person for someone else, but instead helps us become perfected with them as we strive to establish a family and progress on the path of discipleship together. I know He is there during the bad blind dates and awkward first ones, and I absolutely know that He is with me when it's time to be brave and risk everything for love.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Answered with Questions
It should not surprise most of you that I am a gospel geek. And I love it. I get excited when I discover a previously unrecognized gem in the scriptures, I light up when I start to discuss the doctrines of the gospel, and treat General Conference like the Super Bowl and World Series combined. So as this past weekend brought another flood of revelation and guidance from modern prophets and apostles, you can imagine I was like a kid at Christmas.
Everyone prepares for and processes conference in their own ways, but in the past few years I would prepare a handful of concrete questions, study them, pray about them, and pay special attention throughout conference for the promptings that came.That was my intention as I began to prepare this time. I came up with a couple questions only to have them resolved or answered in another way, so my prayers began to change to simply giving thanks to my Heavenly Father for the opportunity to hear his prophets speak and to recognize guidance for my life. The incredible answers I received were humbling and... in the form of questions!
Some questions were directly said as part of the talks- "Which way do I face?", "Lord, is it I?", and "Will this make me a better person?''. Most, however, were given as quiet whispers as I listened to each talk, and usually beginning with "How will I improve (or implement)...?". Instead of a prompting to visit a specific person, some of my questions came out as "How can I better sustain and support my leaders?" and "How am I using spiritual implements to recognize spiritual truths?".
We see examples in the scriptures where the Lord answers with a question; when the brother of Jared asks how to get light in the barges, the Lord asks what he thinks should be done. The Savior constantly asked his disciples questions such as "Whom say ye that I am?". When Nephi was given the opportunity to see the vision of the tree of life, the Spirit asked, " What desirest thou?". The Lord asks us questions, not because he doesn't know the answer, but because he wants us to discover if we know the answer yet.
Just as surely as I know the Lord answers our prayers, I know He provides the right questions to help us progress in our path of discipleship. His questions are unquestionably more fine-tunes than mine were, reminding me that He knows me completely and knows of my testimony. He knows I have faith and that I am striving to draw closer to Him, and He is allowing me to discover answers in a way that maximizes growth and understanding.
Everyone prepares for and processes conference in their own ways, but in the past few years I would prepare a handful of concrete questions, study them, pray about them, and pay special attention throughout conference for the promptings that came.That was my intention as I began to prepare this time. I came up with a couple questions only to have them resolved or answered in another way, so my prayers began to change to simply giving thanks to my Heavenly Father for the opportunity to hear his prophets speak and to recognize guidance for my life. The incredible answers I received were humbling and... in the form of questions!
Some questions were directly said as part of the talks- "Which way do I face?", "Lord, is it I?", and "Will this make me a better person?''. Most, however, were given as quiet whispers as I listened to each talk, and usually beginning with "How will I improve (or implement)...?". Instead of a prompting to visit a specific person, some of my questions came out as "How can I better sustain and support my leaders?" and "How am I using spiritual implements to recognize spiritual truths?".
We see examples in the scriptures where the Lord answers with a question; when the brother of Jared asks how to get light in the barges, the Lord asks what he thinks should be done. The Savior constantly asked his disciples questions such as "Whom say ye that I am?". When Nephi was given the opportunity to see the vision of the tree of life, the Spirit asked, " What desirest thou?". The Lord asks us questions, not because he doesn't know the answer, but because he wants us to discover if we know the answer yet.
Just as surely as I know the Lord answers our prayers, I know He provides the right questions to help us progress in our path of discipleship. His questions are unquestionably more fine-tunes than mine were, reminding me that He knows me completely and knows of my testimony. He knows I have faith and that I am striving to draw closer to Him, and He is allowing me to discover answers in a way that maximizes growth and understanding.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Well, Now That You Mention It...
You know those moments that make you stop and evaluate yourself? Especially the ones you don't see coming? We all visualize New Year's Day, spring cleaning, and our birthdays as good checkpoints throughout the year to take a closer look at ourselves, our goals, and our progress in life. It's natural at big moments in your life to do so as well- graduation, marriage, births, and deaths. But I didn't expect for someone else's big moment to cause that same introspection.
Going to Oakland for David and Fusi's wedding was wonderful, fantastic, and amazing! Seeing them together was pure magic and I felt myself sighing a little every time they looked at each other. I'm not even sure I can put this into words- it just reminded me that that is what I want, what I'm searching for. And when I get discouraged in the shark pool we call dating, I remember the way they looked at each other, the way they laughed and danced and smiled and kissed like they were/are going to explode from all the joy and love.
On top of the cute couple, the love radiating from their families was a delight. The Tongan and Colombian cultures are possibly two of the most loving and generous people you will ever find and it just caused me to reaffirm that I want to create a family like that. I don't necessarily need to marry a Tongan or Latino ( though I would love to!), to emulate some of those traits. I want to incorporate the love of tradition and culture, as well as making everyone feel like family. I want to create a wedding and a marriage that celebrates family and life to the fullest, one that reflects the eternal truths we hold dear and helps all of us to draw closer to the Savior. I hope you can forgive me for all the "I want"ing, but I just wanted to share that wonderful aspect of the time for me.
It also came just before one of my favorite times for self-evaluation. General Conference!!! We are now T minus 3 days until possibly my favorite weekend of the year. We got a little taste this last Saturday during the Women's Meeting where they focused on preparation and the temple and President Uchtdorf lovingly reminded us how how much Heavenly Father loves each of us. Twice a year I feel like I have an opportunity to do an overall reflection with the guidance of modern prophets and apostles as well as the Spirit. I invite ya'll to do the same.
Going to Oakland for David and Fusi's wedding was wonderful, fantastic, and amazing! Seeing them together was pure magic and I felt myself sighing a little every time they looked at each other. I'm not even sure I can put this into words- it just reminded me that that is what I want, what I'm searching for. And when I get discouraged in the shark pool we call dating, I remember the way they looked at each other, the way they laughed and danced and smiled and kissed like they were/are going to explode from all the joy and love.
 |
| See what I mean?! |
On top of the cute couple, the love radiating from their families was a delight. The Tongan and Colombian cultures are possibly two of the most loving and generous people you will ever find and it just caused me to reaffirm that I want to create a family like that. I don't necessarily need to marry a Tongan or Latino ( though I would love to!), to emulate some of those traits. I want to incorporate the love of tradition and culture, as well as making everyone feel like family. I want to create a wedding and a marriage that celebrates family and life to the fullest, one that reflects the eternal truths we hold dear and helps all of us to draw closer to the Savior. I hope you can forgive me for all the "I want"ing, but I just wanted to share that wonderful aspect of the time for me.
 |
| Me and Mama Latu! Ofa' atu! |
It also came just before one of my favorite times for self-evaluation. General Conference!!! We are now T minus 3 days until possibly my favorite weekend of the year. We got a little taste this last Saturday during the Women's Meeting where they focused on preparation and the temple and President Uchtdorf lovingly reminded us how how much Heavenly Father loves each of us. Twice a year I feel like I have an opportunity to do an overall reflection with the guidance of modern prophets and apostles as well as the Spirit. I invite ya'll to do the same.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Obstacles as Opportunities
A little child loves a good opportunity. Mom leaves the room? The cookie jar is unguarded. The counter is too high? Pshh... I can just stack pots and pans so I can climb up. Any obstacle becomes a challenge, an opportunity to conquer. I'm not sure at what age that starts to fade in us. I remember when I was seven or eight, my sisters and I thought it would be really fun to tie me up in multiple ropes and see if I could escape (we had just seen a movie about Houdini). Suddenly my sisters transformed into Navy sailors with astonishing knot tying abilities. And with pride I can tell you that I became Houdini that afternoon--I wiggled, twisted, and freed myself from every single knot.
At sixteen I had begun the college search in earnest, researching, comparing, and arranging campus visits like a pro. The summer before my senior year, I spent some time checking out universities in D.C before starting my summer program there. My aunt dropped me off in the city on her way to work and I walked and took the bus all over D.C. Alone. At 16 years old. Fearless. I was so excited for the opportunities before me that any obstacles were quickly pushed aside.
I can't seem to put my finger on a day or a moment when that approach to challenges became less instinctive. I think we all experience a time or have a certain situation in which we start to brace ourselves for the worst when a difficult obstacles appears in our path. The fears start to creep in, the doubt and uncertainty in our own abilities, and the questioning of divine help. The baggage we carry around from life experience, if not properly handled, can start to cloud our vision of the opportunities before us.
The story of young Nephi, the son of Lehi, in the Book of Mormon is the perfect example of this phenomenon. The Lord commanded Lehi to take his family out of Jerusalem and flee into the wilderness. With every commandment given to them during this time, there was an obstacle or a difficulty to overcome. Obtaining the plates of brass required going through a process to follow the guidance of the Spirit and get the plates from Laban. The challenges they faced such as breaking their bows, building a ship, gaining direction in their travels, etc, all provided opportunities for them to rise up, increase their faith, and draw closer to the Lord.
Ok, this is the point in the post I had reach before my wonderful trip to California. But I was so excited and distracted I didn't finish putting all my thoughts together. Now I'm glad I didn't because I had some great challenges that became opportunities, and because I had been thinking about how I wanted to face these challenges I was able to find the blessings behind it. Upon arriving at the Oakland airport all excited last Friday morning, I took the shuttle over to the car rental plaza to pick up my rental. I made these reservations months ago and paid for everything in full beforehand. However, upon arriving there were some problems with the rental. Long story short, they wouldn't give me my rental and other companies would charge me an arm and a leg to do so at short notice and because a big convention was in town. So I found myself in a big city that I've never been in, trying to figure out how to get from downtown Oakland to Walnut Creek. I reflected on our discussion in institute about doing all we can so after praying for guidance, I tried everything I could think of to make it work. When that didn't work, I came up with an alternate plan and prayed for guidance. I gave myself a very "edna-like" pep talk and took the shuttle back to the airport. From there I took the the bus to the metro station (called Bart in the Bay area), and took the metro north switching lines along the way before arriving in the correct city. After leaving the metro station I got lost looking for the hotel, but finally made my way there. Quite the adventurous first day.
Not always in these kind of situations are the blessings immediately apparent, but I feel that this time they were. Because I didn't have a rental car, I carpooled with other bridesmaids and the bride's family to the dance, the sealing, and the reception, not the mention when we went into San Francisco. Having my own rental car might have isolated myself in a situation where I already didn't know very many people. Also, later on my hotel reservation for an extra night was mixed up so my friend offered to let me stay with her family. Doing so became one of my favorite parts of the entire trip. I will blog more about the trip later ( it will probably encompass multiple posts because of the incredible nature of it all).
Heavenly Father gives us opportunities to learn, to act upon our faith, to trust Him, and to follow the Spirit. Sometimes, when the "mists of darkness" cloud our vision, all we can see are obstacles and frustrations. But I know with all my heart that because He loves us, he lets us learn through experience, allows us to do all we can and rely on the Savior so we can become more like Him.
At sixteen I had begun the college search in earnest, researching, comparing, and arranging campus visits like a pro. The summer before my senior year, I spent some time checking out universities in D.C before starting my summer program there. My aunt dropped me off in the city on her way to work and I walked and took the bus all over D.C. Alone. At 16 years old. Fearless. I was so excited for the opportunities before me that any obstacles were quickly pushed aside.
I can't seem to put my finger on a day or a moment when that approach to challenges became less instinctive. I think we all experience a time or have a certain situation in which we start to brace ourselves for the worst when a difficult obstacles appears in our path. The fears start to creep in, the doubt and uncertainty in our own abilities, and the questioning of divine help. The baggage we carry around from life experience, if not properly handled, can start to cloud our vision of the opportunities before us.
The story of young Nephi, the son of Lehi, in the Book of Mormon is the perfect example of this phenomenon. The Lord commanded Lehi to take his family out of Jerusalem and flee into the wilderness. With every commandment given to them during this time, there was an obstacle or a difficulty to overcome. Obtaining the plates of brass required going through a process to follow the guidance of the Spirit and get the plates from Laban. The challenges they faced such as breaking their bows, building a ship, gaining direction in their travels, etc, all provided opportunities for them to rise up, increase their faith, and draw closer to the Lord.
Ok, this is the point in the post I had reach before my wonderful trip to California. But I was so excited and distracted I didn't finish putting all my thoughts together. Now I'm glad I didn't because I had some great challenges that became opportunities, and because I had been thinking about how I wanted to face these challenges I was able to find the blessings behind it. Upon arriving at the Oakland airport all excited last Friday morning, I took the shuttle over to the car rental plaza to pick up my rental. I made these reservations months ago and paid for everything in full beforehand. However, upon arriving there were some problems with the rental. Long story short, they wouldn't give me my rental and other companies would charge me an arm and a leg to do so at short notice and because a big convention was in town. So I found myself in a big city that I've never been in, trying to figure out how to get from downtown Oakland to Walnut Creek. I reflected on our discussion in institute about doing all we can so after praying for guidance, I tried everything I could think of to make it work. When that didn't work, I came up with an alternate plan and prayed for guidance. I gave myself a very "edna-like" pep talk and took the shuttle back to the airport. From there I took the the bus to the metro station (called Bart in the Bay area), and took the metro north switching lines along the way before arriving in the correct city. After leaving the metro station I got lost looking for the hotel, but finally made my way there. Quite the adventurous first day.
Not always in these kind of situations are the blessings immediately apparent, but I feel that this time they were. Because I didn't have a rental car, I carpooled with other bridesmaids and the bride's family to the dance, the sealing, and the reception, not the mention when we went into San Francisco. Having my own rental car might have isolated myself in a situation where I already didn't know very many people. Also, later on my hotel reservation for an extra night was mixed up so my friend offered to let me stay with her family. Doing so became one of my favorite parts of the entire trip. I will blog more about the trip later ( it will probably encompass multiple posts because of the incredible nature of it all).
Heavenly Father gives us opportunities to learn, to act upon our faith, to trust Him, and to follow the Spirit. Sometimes, when the "mists of darkness" cloud our vision, all we can see are obstacles and frustrations. But I know with all my heart that because He loves us, he lets us learn through experience, allows us to do all we can and rely on the Savior so we can become more like Him.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
The Day Before
I don't remember much about September 10th, 2001. I know what the routine was, I remember we were starting a unit about ancient Egypt in class, and I vaguely remember my mom was late to pick us up to carpool home. And yet, the next day is burned into my memory as it is on millions of others. We don't know the day before tragedy hits or the day before we meet the love of our life. We can only live life one day at a time.
December 6th 1941 was just another winter day. October 28th 1929 was a crisp fall day. November 21, 1963 was full of Thanksgiving preparations. Today, December 7th, October 29th and November 22nd are big letter days in our history textbook marking the attack on Pearl Harbor, the stock market crash on Black Tuesday, and the assassination of John F. Kennedy. But the day before we didn't know our lives would change forever.
I am a firm believer in remembering and learning from the past, in loving and enjoying the present, and in planning and preparing for the future. They each have their place in the balance of our lives; too much emphasis on any one time frame and we run into all sorts of trouble. Holding onto the past, whether the grievances and mistakes, or the glory days of old, keeps us from progressing and becoming who we are meant to be. Living only for today (yolo) can lead to selfishness as we distance ourselves from the lessons we need to learn from the past and the preparations we need to prepare for the future. And if we find ourselves planning and preparing only for what is to come, we will miss the beautiful daily joys.
I don't have a magic formula for creating this harmonic blend of all three in my life. I don't have all the answers. But today I am reflecting on how grateful I am for the lessons I've learned since that tragic September morning 13 years ago. And as I have studied World War II and the Holocaust over the past 15 years, I have seen a remarkable similarity in tragic and trying times; at the very times we are seeing the worst of humanity (terrorism, genocide), we also see the most incredible displays of heroism, selflessness, and love.
I love the quote by Winston Churchill:“To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.”
We don't know the day before our lives change drastically, but when we treasure the small daily changes I believe we gain a much wider perspective on life. It doesn't need to be about the day before, today, or the day after. Life is about all of it together and how it influences each of us.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
The Peter Potential
"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking...We are all meant to shine... We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; It's in everyone."- Marianna Williamson
Besides being one of my all time favorite quotes, this is how the new book, The Peter Potential, by David Butler and Emily Belle Freeman starts. And perhaps the apostle Peter illustrates this principle better than anyone else. Peter's journey from ordinary fisherman to the chief disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ is nothing short of miraculous. The Lord teaches, invites, and guides Peter to help him grow, progress, and become who the Lord knew he could become. Doesn't the Lord do that with all of us? He sees us as we really are. He knows our hearts, our minds, our desires, our dreams, our weaknesses and strengths. And when we give all of that to him, He makes us more. As the book says, "If the Lord can do great things with a single loaf [of bread], imagine what he can do with a single life."
This is not a rare development-this is Heavenly Father's pattern of loving and teaching His children. This week in my Book of Mormon institute class we were in 1 Nephi 3-4 studying the process Nephi and his brothers go through to obtain the plates. We talked about why the Lord didn't have them get the plates before leaving Jerusalem- He knew they needed them from the beginning. They are many reasons or ideas as to why, but the one that stuck out most to me was that the Lord needed to allow them the faith building experiences that would come as a result. Learning how to trust in the Lord, how to follow the Spirit, and many other lessons were planted deep in Nephi during this journey. The Lord was building Nephi into the prophet, offering the opportunity of faith for Laman and Lemuel, giving Sariah and Lehi a chance to put their trust in Him and know for a surety that this was His plan for them. God loved this family so much he gave them faith-building, soul-stretching opportunities. He does the same with each of us.
We see it in the story of Alma the Younger and his incredible conversion- the Lord saw his potential to do good and change millions of lives. In the stories of his converts, Amulek and Zeezrom, with the brother of Jared, with the life of Saul/Paul, with each and every story of young prophets and kings- Samuel, David, Enoch, etc. Maybe their communities told them they were nothing special, but the Lord said otherwise.
All my life, people have told me I'm smart. Smart or intelligent being the key words, not beautiful or funny. I like being smart and I work hard to be smart. I love to learn and discover, but rather than pure intelligence, most of it comes from just work and study. There was a time when I tried to define myself by what my brain could decipher, create, and figure out; when I thought I could measure my worth by the number of recognitions, awards, test scores, and rankings. Certain setbacks made me step back and realize that it was only a part of me.
So I started to concentrate more on relationships-forming lasting and loving relationships. I have a lot of love to give and sometimes I give too much. I try so hard to be loyal and supportive and dependable and sometimes I feel like I don't get back the same amount of effort and love in relationships. I feel like I've failed in many relationships, including most of my romantic ones. That can be a post for another time, but I include this because for awhile I tried to define myself exclusively by the quality and success of my relationships.
These are just two examples. I didn't need the Divergent series to tell me I want to be more than more thing. I'm not just a scientist, or a teacher, or selfless, or generous. I want to be all of those. I can be all of those things and more because of Jesus Christ. Because of the Savior, I can change, grow, and progress like Peter. I can become who He needs me to become. And like the opening quote reminds us, we are are children of God and we are meant to shine.
Besides being one of my all time favorite quotes, this is how the new book, The Peter Potential, by David Butler and Emily Belle Freeman starts. And perhaps the apostle Peter illustrates this principle better than anyone else. Peter's journey from ordinary fisherman to the chief disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ is nothing short of miraculous. The Lord teaches, invites, and guides Peter to help him grow, progress, and become who the Lord knew he could become. Doesn't the Lord do that with all of us? He sees us as we really are. He knows our hearts, our minds, our desires, our dreams, our weaknesses and strengths. And when we give all of that to him, He makes us more. As the book says, "If the Lord can do great things with a single loaf [of bread], imagine what he can do with a single life."
This is not a rare development-this is Heavenly Father's pattern of loving and teaching His children. This week in my Book of Mormon institute class we were in 1 Nephi 3-4 studying the process Nephi and his brothers go through to obtain the plates. We talked about why the Lord didn't have them get the plates before leaving Jerusalem- He knew they needed them from the beginning. They are many reasons or ideas as to why, but the one that stuck out most to me was that the Lord needed to allow them the faith building experiences that would come as a result. Learning how to trust in the Lord, how to follow the Spirit, and many other lessons were planted deep in Nephi during this journey. The Lord was building Nephi into the prophet, offering the opportunity of faith for Laman and Lemuel, giving Sariah and Lehi a chance to put their trust in Him and know for a surety that this was His plan for them. God loved this family so much he gave them faith-building, soul-stretching opportunities. He does the same with each of us.
We see it in the story of Alma the Younger and his incredible conversion- the Lord saw his potential to do good and change millions of lives. In the stories of his converts, Amulek and Zeezrom, with the brother of Jared, with the life of Saul/Paul, with each and every story of young prophets and kings- Samuel, David, Enoch, etc. Maybe their communities told them they were nothing special, but the Lord said otherwise.
All my life, people have told me I'm smart. Smart or intelligent being the key words, not beautiful or funny. I like being smart and I work hard to be smart. I love to learn and discover, but rather than pure intelligence, most of it comes from just work and study. There was a time when I tried to define myself by what my brain could decipher, create, and figure out; when I thought I could measure my worth by the number of recognitions, awards, test scores, and rankings. Certain setbacks made me step back and realize that it was only a part of me.
So I started to concentrate more on relationships-forming lasting and loving relationships. I have a lot of love to give and sometimes I give too much. I try so hard to be loyal and supportive and dependable and sometimes I feel like I don't get back the same amount of effort and love in relationships. I feel like I've failed in many relationships, including most of my romantic ones. That can be a post for another time, but I include this because for awhile I tried to define myself exclusively by the quality and success of my relationships.
These are just two examples. I didn't need the Divergent series to tell me I want to be more than more thing. I'm not just a scientist, or a teacher, or selfless, or generous. I want to be all of those. I can be all of those things and more because of Jesus Christ. Because of the Savior, I can change, grow, and progress like Peter. I can become who He needs me to become. And like the opening quote reminds us, we are are children of God and we are meant to shine.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Where did August go?
It's September.
I LOVE September. It is a beautiful glorious month. (Something I keep reminding myself as all the angry people start calling at work.)
But where did August go? My life was rearranged completely last month which may contribute to the loss of time. It was my first full month of driving stick shift, which is coming along quite nicely apart from getting stuck on hills from time to time. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I feel like I'm always in control, and it has definitely given me more respect for my vehicle. I also gained three new roommates! My beautiful sister, Sheena (formerly nicknamed Aurora here), and two crazy furry friends have turned my quaint one-bedroom apartment into a world of adventure and mystery, and yes, chaos. Yuki, the nine-month old Lab mix, is as cute as can be, barks at everything, and is skittish around strangers (she's warming up to me). Camo, Aurora's cat, is the bane of my existence at the moment. Outraged at being shut out of the bedroom ( due to my cat allergy), she meows at the bedroom door at 1am, 3am, and 5am, or at any other interval she decided upon. And as clean and tidy as we are trying to be, the car fur has me sneezing and my eyes watering. The things we do for sisters.
Whatever sorrow I'm feeling at the passing of August is swallowed in the joy and excitement I have for September! First of all, my mission companion, Hermanita Fletcher, comes home tomorrow!! Woot woot! I am so excited to see her and all her awesomeness : ) Then, fingers crossed that it all works out, several other friends are coming down for her homecoming so I will get to see even more mission friends. Man, I really miss my mission.
After that, September is filled with more glorious weddings. Two I get to attend and one that I cannot. ( Sorry Garth & Bailey- I'm sending lots of love your way!) This Friday brings the wedding of two good friends which will be really great. (Grilled cheese anyone? Ladies- you know what I'm talking about ; ) And then in two weeks I get to go to California!!!! Two of my favorite people, Fusi and David are getting married in the Oakland temple and I couldn't be more excited if it was my own wedding (ok, only a little bit). Fusi, another one of my beloved mission companions, is Tongan and her fiancee is Colombian so please just try to imagine the wonderful culture infusion that will be their wedding. Definitely bringing my dancing shoes. Plus, I'm really excited to see other friends from the mission! It will be my first time in California period and I'm excited to visit the beach and explore a little. If anyone has suggestions on what to do in the San Francisco/Oakland area, I am all ears.
I know I owe ya'll some pictures of my adorable new roommates and all my new adventures so I am working on it. Pictures to come. Meanwhile, check out this article about Elder Enzio Busche. I love this quote by him. “The adversary’s greatest power is to give us fear, to tell us that what the Lord requires will be too uncomfortable, too impossible to do. But as we obey, the Lord will fill us with love and inexpressible joy. Until we subdue ourselves to the Lord, we can only experience frustration and pain. When we do subdue ourselves to his will, we are filled with peace and dignity in all circumstances, no matter how challenging. This, to me, is the greatest victory we can achieve.”
I LOVE September. It is a beautiful glorious month. (Something I keep reminding myself as all the angry people start calling at work.)
But where did August go? My life was rearranged completely last month which may contribute to the loss of time. It was my first full month of driving stick shift, which is coming along quite nicely apart from getting stuck on hills from time to time. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I feel like I'm always in control, and it has definitely given me more respect for my vehicle. I also gained three new roommates! My beautiful sister, Sheena (formerly nicknamed Aurora here), and two crazy furry friends have turned my quaint one-bedroom apartment into a world of adventure and mystery, and yes, chaos. Yuki, the nine-month old Lab mix, is as cute as can be, barks at everything, and is skittish around strangers (she's warming up to me). Camo, Aurora's cat, is the bane of my existence at the moment. Outraged at being shut out of the bedroom ( due to my cat allergy), she meows at the bedroom door at 1am, 3am, and 5am, or at any other interval she decided upon. And as clean and tidy as we are trying to be, the car fur has me sneezing and my eyes watering. The things we do for sisters.
Whatever sorrow I'm feeling at the passing of August is swallowed in the joy and excitement I have for September! First of all, my mission companion, Hermanita Fletcher, comes home tomorrow!! Woot woot! I am so excited to see her and all her awesomeness : ) Then, fingers crossed that it all works out, several other friends are coming down for her homecoming so I will get to see even more mission friends. Man, I really miss my mission.
After that, September is filled with more glorious weddings. Two I get to attend and one that I cannot. ( Sorry Garth & Bailey- I'm sending lots of love your way!) This Friday brings the wedding of two good friends which will be really great. (Grilled cheese anyone? Ladies- you know what I'm talking about ; ) And then in two weeks I get to go to California!!!! Two of my favorite people, Fusi and David are getting married in the Oakland temple and I couldn't be more excited if it was my own wedding (ok, only a little bit). Fusi, another one of my beloved mission companions, is Tongan and her fiancee is Colombian so please just try to imagine the wonderful culture infusion that will be their wedding. Definitely bringing my dancing shoes. Plus, I'm really excited to see other friends from the mission! It will be my first time in California period and I'm excited to visit the beach and explore a little. If anyone has suggestions on what to do in the San Francisco/Oakland area, I am all ears.
I know I owe ya'll some pictures of my adorable new roommates and all my new adventures so I am working on it. Pictures to come. Meanwhile, check out this article about Elder Enzio Busche. I love this quote by him. “The adversary’s greatest power is to give us fear, to tell us that what the Lord requires will be too uncomfortable, too impossible to do. But as we obey, the Lord will fill us with love and inexpressible joy. Until we subdue ourselves to the Lord, we can only experience frustration and pain. When we do subdue ourselves to his will, we are filled with peace and dignity in all circumstances, no matter how challenging. This, to me, is the greatest victory we can achieve.”
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