Wednesday is for Love

Wednesday is for Love.

And so is Monday morning.

And August. Yes, the whole month.

And the dead of winter when your fingers are half frozen.

And finals week, tax day, and black Friday- are all for Love.

Here's to not needing just one day a year to celebrate how much we love, but taking advantage of 365 days of precious moments. Wound up in and wrapped around, love is the fabric of our tapestries. 

All the Pennies by Mindy Gledhill

Guess What I Learned Today?

I have a confession.

My name is Kristi and I have philogia.

No, that is not some strange disease or skin rash. It is the Greek word for the love of learning and I have a bad case of it. Philology today means the study of literary texts and linguistics, but in old Greek it meant the love of learning and literature. See- we are learning something all ready.

I'm a learning addict. I crave learning something all the time. Like all last week studying the lesson for Sunday school (mind you- I'm not the teacher) on the contrast between Cain and Enoch, their obedience, willingness, and purpose of heart. Then tie in the father of King Lamoni in Alma 22 and I was in heaven. And reading fours books at the same time, depending on where I am in the house, in my car, etc. And I just learned the other day about the "pink lakes" of the world that are caused by the presence of algae that produces carotenoids.

You all probably knew that about me already, but when I finally just accept it then it's not so overwhelming when I keep finding things I want to go back to school for, or get training in. I've got a list a mile long of everything I want to study, practice, assimilate, etc. I want to go to cosmetology school, finish my teaching degree, and learn eight more languages just to mention a few. But just reading or learning isn't enough- I have to apply it.

Going to BYU for my freshmen year, a book called "Learning in the Light of Faith" was required reading and it has shaped my perspective on learning and scholarship through the lens of faith and discipleship. It taught me that my love of learning was a divine trait, one I inherited from a Heavenly Father who loves knowledge infinitely. The Lord sees no conflict between faith and learning in a broad curriculum:

". . . that you may be instructed more perfectly in theory, in principle, in doctrine, in the law of the gospel, in all things that pertain unto the kingdom of God, that are expedient for you to understand;

Of things both in heaven and in earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and the perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are on the land; and a knowledge also of countries and of kingdoms. . . .

And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning even by study and also by faith.(D&C 88:78-79, 118.)

Just last night at work, one of my coworkers (aware of my religious beliefs) asked me if I had seen the Ham/Nye debate which launched a discussion on faith and science. We talked about learning through one method doesn't make it better than the other and how not being open-minded enough to accept truth from another perspective leaves us ignorant. I shared my experience as a scientist and how the more I learn about science, the deeper my faith in God becomes.

One of my favorite talks is by Elder Neal A. Maxwell called "The Disciple-Scholar" in which he points out the gradations of truth:

 "There is no democracy among truths. They are not of equal significance. These gradations might be represented geometrically by a wide circle. The outer edges of the circle would include truths which are accurate descriptions of reality. These facts, such as airline schedules and exchange rates, have only a momentary utility and relevancy, a short shelf life. They are useful, and they cannot be ignored, but they are simply not on the same footing as other kinds of truth... The next concentric circle inward would include more important truths. These are proximate and important truths, however, not ultimate truths. Some of these, for instance, are verifiable by the very serviceable scientific method. These truths can be very useful and valuable. For instance, in the realm of astrophysics they tell us much about the what and how of the universe, but they cannot (and do not even presume to) tell us why it exists. In this same middle circle, the suburbs, so to speak, there is a churning and revising among some of these truths. Life in the suburbs may mean one can be "ever learning" but still "never able to come to a knowledge of the truth" (2 Tim. 3:7). Even so, these truths are important and valued. In the very center of the circle of truth lie the "deep things of God" (1 Cor. 2:10, 14). These come to us only by revelation from God, and they clearly have a greater significance than other truths and fleeting facts. These truths concern things as they really were, really are, and really will be (D&C 93:24). There is constancy, not churning, among these strategic truths. These truths, for instance, are revealed from God and tell us why the universe exists. They are also very personal and crucial, such as is contained in Enoch's exclamation (see Moses 7:30). They represent the highest order of truth. These truths are likewise verifiable. Jesus describes how: "If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself" (John 7:17; see also Alma 32:26-43). Thus we constantly need to distinguish between the truths which are useful and those which are crucial, and between truths which are important and those which are eternal. "

This post has turned into more than I thought when I started, but it's that just the beauty of the evolution of thought and learning? I meant to just gush about my adoration of learning, but I guess the heart of that thought was the true joy I get from learning any and all truths- scientific and eternal, literary and linguistic, social and spiritual.

The Night the World Stood Still

So, I'm going through mission pictures and memorabilia in my scrapbooking efforts and I found lots of treasures. Including several pieces of poetry I wrote throughout my mission. I just wanted to share one of my favorites that I wrote around Christmas 2012. Hope you like it.

The Night the World Stood Still

A star was shining bright

foretelling a son to be born that night.

The quiet village now filled to the max

with bustling strangers anxious to be taxed.

Coming and going 'til numb

unaware that the King had come.

Then glorious angels began to sing,

to humble shepherds saying 

"a joyous message we bring."

Off to the stable,

on their knees they did bow

before a tiny baby

And they didn't know how,

but somehow that night,

a babe in a manager

 came to make the world right.

The wind blew back and forth

across the Sea late one night

with frantic fishermen

working without light.

When out in the waves

a bright figure appeared!

And as He drew near

an apostle was heard

to say "It is Jesus,

and upon the water He goes!"

"Come unto me." said the Savior

and over the side Peter did go.

Step after step with wondering awe

until with the wind he started to fear.

So he began to sink for his doubting fear

til the Lord reached out saying

"I'm here."
As the waves slowed and the winds were calm,

twelve disciples stood in wonder

of Gilead's balm.

A couple years later

and again by the night,

The Savior knelt in a garden

bearing the full burden's might. 

Left alone by the world

yet watched by a heavenly host,

his disciples had failed

when he needed them most.

Unnoticed, unheard outside Jerusalem's walls,

our beloved Redeemer

atoned for the Fall.

And that night when the

world stood still,

a quiet voice cried out

"I will."

A Quality Life (At 23 or 87)

I find myself a few weeks shy of my 23rd birthday and so it was natural that all the posts about what to do before you turn 23 caught my attention for a few moments. And I say a few moments because no matter what other people's lists are, it seems glaringly obvious that it is so personal and individual for each person. Everyone is at a different stage, at their own pace, dancing to their own tune, so why would we all be in sync for major (or minor) milestones?

I was in Houston as a missionary when Taylor Swift's "22" came out and I was, of course, at the beautiful age of 22. But it wasn't me. I've never had the desire to dress up like a hipster or fall in love with a stranger. I don't dance like my age, just like me, which I will probably do until I'm 90. And I think everyone has those moments of feeling happy, free, confused, and lonely no matter their age. So it plays out naturally for me that various lists of things to do before 23 also aren't a great fit for me. Sure I've read a list of classic books, got a passport, learned a new language, eaten several jars of Nutella by myself, worked hard at a job I love, and had breakfast at midnight just because. I can do a lot of various things- check things off a list- like learn how to say "I love you" in 50 languages ( I'm only at eleven languages so far). But doing things and going places are not necessarily a gateway to becoming someone, and not just someone, but the woman I want to be. When Alice in Wonderland was trying to figure out which direction to go she asks if the Cheshire cat can help her. 
He responds, "Well that depends on where you want to get to."

Alice: Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as...
Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go."

If it doesn't matter where we go or who we become then we could go any direction. I don't want to just end up somewhere, end up becoming someone by accident. I don't want to just wander my way through life. There is a sense of joy in purposely building a quality life and character. 

I re-read this part from M. Russell Ballard's book, Our Search For Happiness, "I prefer to think that the quality of our lives has more to do with substance than style. A quality life is one that positively influences others and makes the world around it a better place in which to live. A quality life is one that is constantly growing, expanding its horizons and enlarging its borders. A quality life is one that is filled with love and loyalty, patience and perseverance, kindness and compassion. A quality life is one that is based on eternal potential and confined to this only. A quality life is a life well-lived."

I'm not sure if I can make only one list on how to obtain a quality life. In fact, I've made lists, notes, and poems, not to mention thoughts, throughout my life on what a quality life looks like for me. And through each year and every experience I gain a better understanding of what I want as well as who I want to be. With someone else, with my family, or by myself- I am solely responsible for who I become. I cannot control other's actions or when certain things might occur in my life. However, I love a good list so here is my list of things I want to reach for in no particular order, maybe before I'm 23, or 32, or 55. Maybe I've already been working on it or it's something I want to start, places to go, or things to do, but mostly who I want to be. 

1. Learn how to forgive. Really forgive others no matter what.

2. Become comfortable in my own skin- at every age.

3. Visit people I love- in other states and countries.

4. Volunteer in the community no matter where I live.

5. Be self-sufficient and self-reliant, but know how to accept love and help from others.

6. Build something that lasts. Or better yet, build everything I build to last.

7. Learn another language. And treasure the ones I already know : )

8. Be Brave. 

9. Love someone even if they don't love me in return.

10. Create a loving and happy home of my own.

11.Push myself to do something I once thought I couldn't do.

12. Never stop learning.

13. Discover and rediscover the wonder in the simple treasures.

14. Learn when to let go and what to hold on to.

15. Write more handwritten notes.

16. Fight for what matters to me.

17. Know where I came from.

18. Make a dream come true. And help make someone else's dream come true as well.

19. Overcome a fear.

20. Live true to what I believe.

21. Be there for the people who matter most to me.

22. Be a woman of light. 

Don't Look Back

The Tale of the Scientist and the Artist

So I will start with a beautiful story. A young dashing brilliant student from Germany came to the states in the 1930's to continue his education in physics. His quest to live his religion had led him from the heart of an increasingly dangerous battleground to the peaceful campus of Brigham Young University. He would eventually earn three degrees from the wonderful institution, including a PhD in both Physics and Mathematics. Soon he was drafted and served in the military for two years, before coming home to prepare for a mission. Due to his ability to speak German, imagine his surprise when he was called to Finland- a mission he honorably served and a language he still speaks to this day. Yet the best part of the story is still to come. Upon returning home, he met a young artist. A beautiful woman who could capture a heart in a brushstroke, portray a story in pottery, and create a dream in a frame. Their respective backgrounds connected in melodies and harmonies. Their love for music came from different places but rang just as true. They were sealed for time and all eternity and set off on the grandest adventure- marriage. Now they are in their eighties. He still teaches one class every semester at the local university, while her hand is no longer steady enough to sculpt or paint. Her creations adorn every wall of their quaint home and his experiments cover the desks. Their music runs through everything. This isn't just another Mormon couple success story. I now have the privilege of working for this darling couple several times a week. While he teaches, I stay with his wife and do basic housecleaning. Their life is simple. She eats the same thing for breakfast every morning and they pray together throughout the day. It's only part time, but I think I need them more than they need me. To be in a home filled with that kind of love and devotion for each other and for the Lord is humbling and inspiring. Tender mercies.

Maybe some of you already know about barnacles and Portland, but for those of you like me who didn't know, let me explain. Actually, President Monson explained it better in a talk in 1988 saying, "To some it may seem strange to see ships of many nations loading and unloading cargo along the docks at Portland, Oregon. That city is 100 miles from the ocean. Getting there involves a difficult, often turbulent passage over the bar guarding the Columbia River and a long trip up the Columbia and Willamette Rivers. But ship captains like to tie up at Portland. They know that as their ships travel the seas, a curious salt water shellfish called a barnacle fastens itself to the hull and stays there for the rest of its life, surrounding itself with a rock-like shell. As more and more barnacles attach themselves, they increase the ship’s drag, slow its progress, decrease its efficiency. Periodically, the ship must go into dry dock, where with great effort the barnacles are chiseled or scraped off. It’s a difficult, expensive process that ties up the ship for days. But not if the captain can get his ship to Portland. Barnacles can’t live in fresh water. There, in the sweet, fresh waters of the Willamette or Columbia, the barnacles loosen and fall away, and the ship returns to its task lightened and renewed. Sins are like those barnacles. Hardly anyone goes through life without picking up some. They increase the drag, slow our progress, decrease our efficiency. Unrepented, building up one on another, they can eventually sink us. In His infinite love and mercy, our Lord has provided a harbor where, through repentance, our barnacles fall away and are forgotten. With our souls lightened and renewed, we can go efficiently about our work and His.” In another talk, "getting to fresh water" refers to going to holy places, especially the temple, where we can get the barnacles off. Saturday I was able to go to the Chicago temple for the endowment and sealing of a young couple in my ward. It wasn't 100 miles up the Columbia, but it was 200 miles in a snow storm. At one point the van spun off the road, but the whole trip was worth it just to get to fresh water. I love how in the temple you can get the barnacles off, give your burden over to the Lord, and feel peace enough to be able to discover and find answers. 

When Coming Home Feels Like Leaving

For couple weeks now I've been falling asleep expecting to wake up 1000 miles away in my missionary apartment. I put on my jacket and reach to adjust my tag only to realize it's not there. I'm enjoying listening to music and watching shows, but a part of me struggles to justify spending the time to just sit. There is the adjustment to the fact that my little brother is not so little anymore and my baby sister now has a boyfriend!! (Yeah, still not liking that one a lot) I miss Houston and my missionary companions and the wonderful incredible amazing people. Yet, I know I am supposed to be here right now. Sigh.

Life is about change and progression. About taking who I was yesterday, who I am today, and making myself into who I need to become tomorrow. Life is treasuring the gems of today, the tender mercies and tough times, and still looking forward to the future. It's learning when to let go and what to hold onto, and how to know which one. So I'm taking it all with me. My mission has become a huge part of me, but it is not the defining moment, the end all of my progression--it is a stepping stone. 

Coming home has been out of balance for me. During the mission, the scope of areas in your life are more limited. One strives to balance companionship, investigator, and member relationships, learn teaching skills and new languages, deepening spirituality, etc. Most other areas are limited or ignored during this time. Returning brings back to life each of those neglected categories so naturally it takes a little time to find a balance again. I'm ready for the challenge and I'm looking forward to this next stage of my life.

Throughout the process of my mission I was able to heal from many things. More than that, I learned how to heal. I gave burdens to the Lord and felt Him lead me through trials. This is me saying goodbye to everything I was carrying before and saying hello to the beginning of a lifetime pursuit on the path of discipleship. This is me saying thank you and I love you to everyone in the Texas Houston Mission- thank you for all the lessons, the tears, and the laughter. Thank you for molding me into the woman I've become. God be with ya'll til we meet again. 

Til I See You Again