The Curse of Optimism

I'm a fairly optimistic person, if I do say so myself. Except when I'm not.

I'm a reasonably logical person. Except sometimes I'm not.

I'm a really romantic person, except when life demands some realism.

I used to be pretty trusting, but I'm not anymore.

You know the problem with optimism? Maybe you do and maybe you don't. And maybe it's just me. But my optimism leaves me standing in the rain, alone, smiling, hoping beyond all reasonable hope that they really didn't mean to hurt me, that they're telling me the truth, that in the end they do care about me, that if I work hard enough I can make everything work for everyone all the time, that if I can just keep smiling and pushing through then one day all the love and service will come back around. And optimism demands that I keep waiting, hoping, working for that "one day", because to give up anytime along the way would be failure. Yet sometimes, my optimism feels more like stupidity for allowing myself to be disappointed and hurt, again and again...and again. Oh, and again.

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love, said "I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."
I'm not talking just about romantic relationships, but friends and family too.

But there is a part of my soul that refuses to dismiss optimism.

That clings to the hope of waking up each morning and finding the world a little better.

That keeps me going when nothing else does.

That tells me I'm right about this whole optimism thing, if I will just stand my ground.

P.S. 8 days til I see Emilee and 12 days til her wedding!!!!

Technology Race

The presidential election is in full force and more people than ever are getting involved, which warms the bottom of my heart. However, they aren't necessarily getting involved by donating money to a particular campaign or attending the rallies and speeches. Facebook, texting, IPhone apps, and Twitter are the foremost tools of the modern political campaign. In fact, I receive update texts from the Obama campaign and emails from the Romney committee, I found out about Huntsman's campaign announcement via my phone's newsfeed, and encouraged people to do some political research via this very blog.

Even since the 2008 election, technology has increased by leaps and bounds. Technology is being integrated into education and communication, changing the way we interact with our friends, co-workers, employers, even celebrities and is also changing how we see ourselves. I mean, look at me- I'm blogging for heaven's sake!(But I am still avoiding Twitter) I started this blog on assignment for a college class and in that same class worked on a project for improving support group websites. Nowdays, when I hear something clever or have an opinion on a world event, I join the discussion. People like Obama, Romney, Huntsman, and other world leaders are starting these discussions, even leading them in Congress, in the White House, in debates and rallies. But we, my fellow Americans, are joining them via Facebook, Twitter, text, Hulu, YouTube, blogs and other social media outlets.

Will technology set the curve for this race? Will the candidate who is the most "plugged-in" win through the reach of their technology?

I'm tired of being disappointed....

But I refuse to lower my expectations.

Taking a Stand on the Issues

In honor of the first debate of the presidential election campaign, I thought I should briefly explore where I stand on some of these issues. Please be aware that I am not an expert on all of these topics and reserve the right to research some more and change my mind. Not to worry- I will tie in technology in my next post : ) And the best one is saved for last, so try to read the whole thing or at least skim til you get to the bottom ; )

• Health Care- I support a universal health care mandate, but not at the federal level. If operated at the state level, each state would have more control over the revenue and be able to dictate state tax cuts. Also, by localizing the health care and insurance within each state it will create jobs that cannot be outsourced and help build the economy.
• Peanut Butter- Crunchy or Smooth? This debate has been raging for decades with casualties on both sides, people debating in the condiment aisle of grocery stores and even all out peanut butter wars. But in considering the merits of each camp, I've found that both are solid contenders for the top spot. So I must go with moderation in all things- smooth pb on my crackers or celery with crunchy pb on my sandwiches.
  
• Stem-Cell Research- Being a scientist myself, I have researched and studied about the processes and uses of stem cell research. I even attended a conference on the subject back in 07. I was surprised to discover that most members of Congress, when asked to describe their understanding of the definition of stem cell research, had little to no correct assumptions or conceptions about such research. Stem-cell research does not destroy life, but rather is working to find cures for medical conditions of every sort so I support stem-cell research wholeheartedly. However, in tangent, I do not agree with cloning for recreational science.
• Pepsi vs Coca-Cola- Like you even need to ask. Pepsi, hands down, no question. The patriotic colors, the superior taste, the family tradition, everything points to the right answer of Pepsi.
• Education- An issue close to my heart to be sure. While many presidents have lauded young students as the future of America, they have left primary and secondary schools out in the cold as far as the budget goes. Among the top industrialized nations, America has the lowest literacy rate. Maybe because we pay people who run around with balls or who pretend to be other people more than we pay our teachers. I support the idea behind "No Child Left Behind", but I have seen some of the errors in implementation. There needs to be more funds allotted with greater flexibility in order to meet the financial needs of the schools as well as the individual needs of students for attention and resources. I agree with alternative educational methods including home school and vocational training as well as the necessity of involving the community and family in the education of children.
• Dogs or Cats? I'll make this one perfectly clear. I am a dog person. It's not that I specifically hate cats, but given the choice I will take almost any dog over a cat (except the little yappy purse dogs or a pit bull). Cats are antisocial and sleepy all the time and when the whole point of me getting a pet is companionship the dog is usually alert, playful, loving, loyal, and intelligent. A dog can be with me in many situations from watching TV to going for a run, taking a trip, or doing projects around the house. While a cat may purr next to me while I watch t.v., look at me like I'm crazy if I tried to get her to run with me, puke all over the car on road trips, and sleep right on top of my craft project on the table. Dog person.
• National Security- Many of the national security issues on the table right now are the wire taps on incoming Muslims to the US and the threat of terrorists from within our country, and nuclear proliferation particularly in connection to North Korea and Iraq. I'm against wiretaps on any immigrants or visitors to America on principle, but rather suggest a more thorough screening process to allow for both security and privacy issues, not to mention tolerance to be maintained. I'm still undecided about Guantanamo and will continue to research. I agree that nuclear conditions need to be regulated, but not just on a national scale but on an international one. We had the opportunity to do so with Poland and the Czech Republic and backed out, which was probably right for the time. However, whether in NATO or another Summit, global consensus needs to be sought after.
• And finally...
• Edward vs. Jacob? ( Disregard the resolution reached in the fourth book of the series for the purpose of this debate) Upon my first reading, I was unequivocally in the Edward Cullen camp. I mean, there is something to be said for being absolutely drawn to someone and falling head over fangs in love. And maybe it's because we all want to believe that kind of love can exist--the unshakable, all-powerful, can overcome any obstacle, changes everything, consuming love. And I'm not saying it doesn't, the jury is still out. BUT, I've had more experience in dating, love, and relationships since I first read the series. You got to admit upon reflection- why would you love someone who always pushes you away and keeps you at arms length, who makes you feel like you're never good enough? It makes me think Bella is a bit stupid and blind, not to mention a glutton for pain. Instead, I would rather be with someone who allows me to be myself around him, all the time, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Someone who is full of light and happiness and warmth and joy. Someone who holds me close instead of pushing me away. Someone I'm friends with first and grow to love. Someone who knows how to apologize and keeps his promises. Someone who will defend me with his last breath but can also tell me when I've made a mistake. Someone like Jacob Black. So, all fiction and fantasy aside, I pick Jacob.

If you'd like to explore the issues a bit more or the candidate's stance on them check out this website. Please leave a comment or share your own view on hot-topics of the day.

Something. . .

There is a feeling right after you finish a book. A feeling of slowly removing yourself from the world and story that held you bound for the hours sprawled out on the couch and the time reading in the library. A feeling of coming back to reality, not necessarily for a better or worse reality, but one that is solidly your own. A realization comes with the conclusion of a book- that your finale is not yet here. The climax and plot twists are still evolving and some are around the corner for me, inspiring fear, excitement, and amazement all at the same time. But the theme has already been introduced and cleverly explored in the beginning chapters and I know something is coming. Something bigger than me, bigger than words, bigger even than the collectively shared experiences on this theme. Something that part of me already knows somehow. So I shut the book reverently and rise from my chair, to go out and meet it.

Left Behind

Left Behind

Trapped first by pain
then sealed in silence.
Pushing for a way out
ripping out of the seal.
Adrift alone in the bay
wrapped in the mistakes
we’ve made all along--
Knowing you are adrift too,
in your own bay
barely in view.
Wishing somehow
we would talk it out together,
promise to keep each other afloat,
But this is how you wanted it.
Me here and You...there.
I can see them coming,
inching their way to me.
Pulled out to dry
leaving you swimming upstream.
Unsure if you want
to be rescued at all.
I’d trade with you
in a heartbeat,
rather than watch
from the shore.
Put me in the fight,
the crashing currents
and slippery paths.
Scaling the waterfall-
you are the martyr
and hero all at once.
Alone now,
alone in a journey
I thought we’d make together.
This is the one I picked.
Somehow our tickets
got mixed up in the mess.
And we wonder if we will
ever get to where
we planned to go.
But now we are world’s apart,
You, alone with everyone watching,
and me,alone, without their notice.

Eat Fresh and Save the Environment!

Subway has sucked me in big time. Maybe it was the commercials about Jared back in the day. Or perhaps it is my addiction to the Oven-Roasted Chicken sandwich with American cheese, lettuce, black olives, and mayo that sealed the deal. And my occasional weakness for their delicious cookies. And possibly my original admiration for Subway become deep and abiding love when I discovered the Kids Meal with milk and apples (or yogurt if I choose!!) accompanying my 3 inch sandwich. But a recent discovery might just put me over the edge to hero worship. I went in for a Kids Meal and they asked me if I wanted the Kids Meal sack, so I said sure. Next thing I know, my sandwich and meal is being handed to me in a little bright pink reusable lunch bag. It has a picture of the earth and the word " Conserve" written in almost fifty languages across it. And I even looked up what other kinds they have while I was searching for a good picture to share with you. They even have Green Lantern reusable meal bags! You should check it out. So, am I impressed? Oh yeah. Move aside little brown lunch sack and expensive deluxe 5-compartment superhero lunch box. Thank you Subway.