Adventures of Ms.K

I never expected to change my major from International Relations and Political Science to Biological Sciences Education and English Teaching, but I did. My first week in college I was asked to teach a Sunday school lesson on Helaman's Stripling Warriors (one of my favorites) and from there I was called as a teacher in that ward. One of my favorite callings of all time! I learned different techniques and lesson patterns to more effectively teach and was grateful for the experience. Then, in my next two wards, I received the same calling. Hint. Hint. I really loved preparing each lesson, applying the principles throughout the week, and connecting to the class. When I hit a wall with my previous major, teaching immediately came to mind. But then I wanted to teach everything! But I finally narrowed it down to all the sciences : ) and english.

And while I have a few more requirements before the ink is dry on my teaching certificate, I have been substitute teaching in the local school district. Though being a sub is different from a legitimate teacher I've learned many valuable lessons.
* The teachers who make a real difference are those who listen because
* Students are really seeking somehow who will listen. Listen to their worries and fears, hopes and dreams- listen without trying to be in control. And more often than not, that listening happens in a classroom rather than the counselor's office.
* There is a time for everything, even in Biology and Lit class. A time for laughter and music, a time for quiet studying, a time for disciplining and a time for compassion.
*Students complain to subs all the time- "What's the point of_____? When will I ever use this?" I've learned that as a teacher I want to help them make those connections. Make biology class relate to Shelley's Frankenstein, to their modern art class, and back to European History. I want to help them see that the real education is in connections.
* I learned that as a teacher I could have students at four or five different levels in a class. I've met high school students who can barely read and middle school students who can do calculus in circles around me. There is no uni-level class which is both an obstacle and a challenge to rise to.
* The teacher's lounge is much less cool and mysterious now than when I was a student : (
* School can be a place of wonder and magic- sometimes when you know where to look and sometimes when you learn to create it.
* All class pets should have names, even 6 inch poisonous spiders. It makes it easier to call them when they hide under the desk!!!
* If you are excited and enthusiastic about a topic, it is much easier to interest the students. Just don't go fanatic- then they think I am a hermit scholar who has no social life ( actually not that far from the truth).
* And finally, students think they can shock you by swearing or by telling you outrageous things. The teacher can shock the students by listening, with kindness, with generousity, and by creating an interactive learning environment.

Big Decisions

I've got big decisions to make.
But while I'm still thinking everything over...
I thought I'd take some advice from the experts.

How To Make A High-Stakes Decision
by Amy Gallo at Harvard Business Review.

Even the most decisive manager can be thrown into despair when faced with a high-stakes matter. We make decisions every day without noticing, but a career-making (or breaking) challenge requires thought and deliberation. It's unlikely that a single approach will serve you every time. However, there are key factors you should consider to ensure you reach a sound conclusion.

What the Experts Say
People respond to the pressure of big decisions in different ways. As Michael Roberto, the Trustee Professor of Management at Bryant University, said in his 2001 HBR article "What You Don't Know About Making Decisions", "all too often [decision-makers] rush to a conclusion or else dither endlessly and decide too late." Finding a middle ground is difficult, agrees Sydney Finkelstein, the Steven Roth Professor of Management at the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth and co-author of "Why Good Leaders Make Bad Decisions." "When there's more at stake, you have to take more time [but] how much time really depends on the magnitude of the decision," he says. Whether you are inclined to take shortcuts or stall out sorting through options, what's most important is to be aware of the hazards that might befall you, and how to avoid them.

Involve others, but own the outcome

Big decisions shouldn't happen in a vacuum. "You have to have a team. You can't rely only on yourself," says Finkelstein. By consulting others, you expose yourself to differing opinions, which will help you to make a more informed choice, and you give yourself a better shot at winning buy-in from those who will be affected. At the same time, beware of the risks. "If you have a lot of people involved, almost always a small subset take control and make the decision," which can make the larger group's contribution negligible, Finkelstein says. Also, while important issues, such as changing the strategic direction of a group or hiring a new manager, typically require input from many sources, at the end of the day, one person needs to be accountable. Ultimately, "the leader has to decide," he explains. "I'm not a fan of consensus."

Trust — but challenge — your gut reaction
In some cases, your first instinct may be right, but it's probably not based on rational thought. It's important to question your initial reaction and test it once you've gathered more data. Also make sure to explain your reasoning to others "That's one of the risks when we make intuitive decisions, people don't understand our thought process. It's not like when we go through a big formal analysis where they can follow the steps. With intuition, it's this lightning bolt. They don't understand: How did you come to that conclusion?" says Roberto in Harvard ManageMentor's module on decision making.

Remain open
Another pitfall that Finkelstein identifies is pre-judgment: when you form an opinion early on in the process, based on preliminary information, and stick with it despite what you learn later. "The hallmark of pre-judgment is when you see someone who is referring to data or examples that support their point of view and disregarding data or examples that are inconsistent with it," he says. Take notice when you keep finding information that maintains your perspective, ask yourself whether there is a dissenting point of view that you need to seek out and consider. Be your own devil's advocate and diligently challenge your initial assumptions, or find a trusted colleague to do this for you.

Be wary of past experiences
Many people make big decisions by relating the current challenge to what they've done in the past. It can serve you well to make those connections, but there are drawbacks as well. Finkelstein says people tend to rely on their past experiences even when they're not relevant. Roberto concurs. "The problem is that when we reason by analogy, we focus on all the similarities, and we often ignore the differences between related situations. And the differences often are where the problems are, where the challenges are." Bring in previous incidents as a source of data, but question how pertinent and useful they truly are.

Recognize your bias
"The reality is we all walk into situations where we have bias," says Finkelstein. This bias may be toward things we have attachment to — people, places, divisions — or toward our own self-interest. "It's not news that self interest has a role in how we think but what I found in my research is that a lot of self-interest is subconscious. We don't even know we're doing it," says Finkelstein. You may lean toward an answer because it will be easier to implement or because it is the one that will earn you the most good will with your people. These are not good enough reasons. Focus on reaching the best solution by acknowledging your bias and then putting it aside.

Don't close the book
Even after accounting for the above challenges, your decision will not be perfect. It's rare to figure out an issue completely before moving ahead with a solution. But, that doesn't mean you are stuck. It's a good idea to monitor the situation closely and make adjustments as necessary. "After a few days, a week or a month, you reopen the decision and see where you're at," Finkelstein says.

Principles to Remember

Do:

• Own the decision but bring in others to better understand the various issues involved
• Recognize when you may be partial and ask a trusted peer to check your bias
• Regularly revisit decisions you've made to be sure they are still valid

Don't:

• Rely exclusively on your instinct — think through any initial reactions you have
• Ignore new information that comes in, especially if it challenges your current viewpoint
• Assume the issue is exactly like one you've handled in the past — look for similarities and differences

Moments That Makes Us- 100th Post

There are moments in our lives that make us, change us, shape us into the individuals we become. Some we know instantly while others are only found upon reflection. Moments like these are frozen in time, etched into our souls leaving marks for all who get close enough to see.

In celebration of my 100th post after eleven months of blogging I thought long and hard about what I wanted to post for this. I want to post this for me, for the memories and events that have changed me. And I want to post this for you, my readers, for believing in me, for following my journey thus far--so I'm sharing a bit more of my soul with you.
With my ear hovering over the vent, counting the seconds, waiting for the cries to fade. Suddenly I'm off the floor, out my door, creeping down the stairs, sneaking until I'm standing over the crib. And then he's in my short little arms looking up at me. I'm singing and rocking him back and forth, thinking that this must be what love feels like. I hold him until we both fall asleep.

Holding my chest tightly so breathing doesn't hurt so badly, I let the tears hit the pillow softly. Hoping that no one hears, that no one ask any more questions about the bruises. Afraid to close my eyes again because I know the nightmare will come back, afraid to let myself relive it over and over again. Angry at the hurt, angry that I don't know how to deal with it. Deciding to be stronger for tomorrow, deciding to distract myself so I won't dream anymore, deciding to never get hurt again.

Small inked letters cover the pages- lined, blank, even the back of take-out menus. Written in waiting moments, hastily scrawled to capture the thoughts, others carefully penned. Sealed with a promise, scented with Sunflower, kept sacred in a box beside my bed. Just words if read alone. Love if read all together. Not to be opened til the first day of forever.

Kneeling next to the fresh mound with the shots still ringing in the air. Numb to the spreading heartache, no words are adequate, no tears will help. The flag neatly folded as if to wrap up the grief neatly. Silence. Then his voice in my head telling me to get up, start walking...keep living.

Standing in front of the small class, pausing one last moment before I start teaching. Looking into their faces- young, nervous, excited- a mirror of myself. From all across the country, we sit together laughing, learning, discussing. As the words come tumbling out, there is no way I could have predicted it to be the beginning of the most amazing journey. No way that I could know that these people will become my examples, my heroes, my best friends.

I stare up at him, into those liquid pools of chocolate that have captured my heart, while the moon is high and the evening wraps around us as if to separate us from the world. His smile reminding me of all the laughter, the shared secrets, the trust built between two people. My palms are damp and my heart drumming to the beat of those three little words slipping out of my mouth. Words that change everything. One heartbeat. Two heartbeats.
Then the shattering.

Driving faster than legal, hot tears burning my cheeks, angrier than I've ever been in my entire life. Yelling, screaming, in my empty car, no one listening to me, then the explaining and placating. But I realize that while others are angry, mine is different- my anger won't go away, sets me apart. Then face-to-face, hugs, and getting to work unloading. Holding all the emotions in check so I can support the family. Being where they need me to be. But I'm alone-lost and drifting.

A tentative smile and falsely cheerful tone, unsure of what to say or not to say. Hugging him, feeling the prickly stubble, smelling the familiar smoke. Asking about the game, the Packers or the Steelers, and he wished me a happy birthday. A kiss on the cheek and whispered "I love you". One last look at the black licorice and John Wayne movies and at the shadow of a man, not sure if it will be the last time. And it was.

Adjusting the veil a bit, smoothing her skirt to gain a second to hide my tears on my best friend's happiest day. Remembering all the late night talks, long distance phone calls, the notes of encouragement, the friendship that has saved me. And then I looked back into her eyes and it was like... like she held the secrets of eternity and happiness there in her beautiful brown eyes. And it gave me such hope. Hope that one day I will find that joy and discover that secret.

Taking a Stand on the Issues

In honor of the first debate of the presidential election campaign, I thought I should briefly explore where I stand on some of these issues. Please be aware that I am not an expert on all of these topics and reserve the right to research some more and change my mind. Not to worry- I will tie in technology in my next post : ) And the best one is saved for last, so try to read the whole thing or at least skim til you get to the bottom ; )

• Health Care- I support a universal health care mandate, but not at the federal level. If operated at the state level, each state would have more control over the revenue and be able to dictate state tax cuts. Also, by localizing the health care and insurance within each state it will create jobs that cannot be outsourced and help build the economy.
• Peanut Butter- Crunchy or Smooth? This debate has been raging for decades with casualties on both sides, people debating in the condiment aisle of grocery stores and even all out peanut butter wars. But in considering the merits of each camp, I've found that both are solid contenders for the top spot. So I must go with moderation in all things- smooth pb on my crackers or celery with crunchy pb on my sandwiches.
  
• Stem-Cell Research- Being a scientist myself, I have researched and studied about the processes and uses of stem cell research. I even attended a conference on the subject back in 07. I was surprised to discover that most members of Congress, when asked to describe their understanding of the definition of stem cell research, had little to no correct assumptions or conceptions about such research. Stem-cell research does not destroy life, but rather is working to find cures for medical conditions of every sort so I support stem-cell research wholeheartedly. However, in tangent, I do not agree with cloning for recreational science.
• Pepsi vs Coca-Cola- Like you even need to ask. Pepsi, hands down, no question. The patriotic colors, the superior taste, the family tradition, everything points to the right answer of Pepsi.
• Education- An issue close to my heart to be sure. While many presidents have lauded young students as the future of America, they have left primary and secondary schools out in the cold as far as the budget goes. Among the top industrialized nations, America has the lowest literacy rate. Maybe because we pay people who run around with balls or who pretend to be other people more than we pay our teachers. I support the idea behind "No Child Left Behind", but I have seen some of the errors in implementation. There needs to be more funds allotted with greater flexibility in order to meet the financial needs of the schools as well as the individual needs of students for attention and resources. I agree with alternative educational methods including home school and vocational training as well as the necessity of involving the community and family in the education of children.
• Dogs or Cats? I'll make this one perfectly clear. I am a dog person. It's not that I specifically hate cats, but given the choice I will take almost any dog over a cat (except the little yappy purse dogs or a pit bull). Cats are antisocial and sleepy all the time and when the whole point of me getting a pet is companionship the dog is usually alert, playful, loving, loyal, and intelligent. A dog can be with me in many situations from watching TV to going for a run, taking a trip, or doing projects around the house. While a cat may purr next to me while I watch t.v., look at me like I'm crazy if I tried to get her to run with me, puke all over the car on road trips, and sleep right on top of my craft project on the table. Dog person.
• National Security- Many of the national security issues on the table right now are the wire taps on incoming Muslims to the US and the threat of terrorists from within our country, and nuclear proliferation particularly in connection to North Korea and Iraq. I'm against wiretaps on any immigrants or visitors to America on principle, but rather suggest a more thorough screening process to allow for both security and privacy issues, not to mention tolerance to be maintained. I'm still undecided about Guantanamo and will continue to research. I agree that nuclear conditions need to be regulated, but not just on a national scale but on an international one. We had the opportunity to do so with Poland and the Czech Republic and backed out, which was probably right for the time. However, whether in NATO or another Summit, global consensus needs to be sought after.
• And finally...
• Edward vs. Jacob? ( Disregard the resolution reached in the fourth book of the series for the purpose of this debate) Upon my first reading, I was unequivocally in the Edward Cullen camp. I mean, there is something to be said for being absolutely drawn to someone and falling head over fangs in love. And maybe it's because we all want to believe that kind of love can exist--the unshakable, all-powerful, can overcome any obstacle, changes everything, consuming love. And I'm not saying it doesn't, the jury is still out. BUT, I've had more experience in dating, love, and relationships since I first read the series. You got to admit upon reflection- why would you love someone who always pushes you away and keeps you at arms length, who makes you feel like you're never good enough? It makes me think Bella is a bit stupid and blind, not to mention a glutton for pain. Instead, I would rather be with someone who allows me to be myself around him, all the time, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Someone who is full of light and happiness and warmth and joy. Someone who holds me close instead of pushing me away. Someone I'm friends with first and grow to love. Someone who knows how to apologize and keeps his promises. Someone who will defend me with his last breath but can also tell me when I've made a mistake. Someone like Jacob Black. So, all fiction and fantasy aside, I pick Jacob.

If you'd like to explore the issues a bit more or the candidate's stance on them check out this website. Please leave a comment or share your own view on hot-topics of the day.

On Our Own Mortality

Right behind public speaking and snakes (and the fear of the dark and flying? depending on who you ask), people admit to being afraid of death. But why? Especially since we know we must all die, at some point, in some way? It is likely we fear the death of loved ones around us because we fear the feeling of loss and their absence in our lives. But also because as we experience the loss of those we love, our own mortality is clearly outlined- the realization that mortal death is, in fact, inevitable. For many it is the unknown, the uncontrollable change of circumstance, the fear that after working so hard to figure out this life we will still stand unprepared for what comes next. Your religious beliefs obviously play a role in this conversation: whether you believe in heaven or hell, in eternal punishment, or if you believe that everything ends when you take your last mortal breath. For more on my beliefs on that matter click here.

For so many more"the fear of death follows from the fear of life" as Mark Twain so simply stated. Perhaps we are afraid of death because we start to realize, in this contemplation of our own mortality, that we have not lived the way we planned. We realize that we have regrets and grudges, fears that have held us back, or decisions we wish we could redo. Dead-end jobs, a preoccupation with money or material possessions, or just inappropriate priorities. We might wish we had spent more time with our families laughing and telling stories, that we'd learned to let things go and forgive, or that we had truly learned to love. As Morrie Schwartz put it, " When you learn how to die, you learn how to live."

Now to where I was heading. It is one thing to sit near the end of your life, prolonged by modern medicine and technology, surrounded by family and friends, and to reflect on your mistakes and what you would have done differently. It is quite another to contemplate an imminent death in your youth, before you feel as though you've even started to live. Perhaps while just finishing your education and figuring out a career. Maybe while you still resent your parents and haven't had children of your own to finally understand their love. And you fear that you've never loved, not really, not completely without reserve- or that even if you have loved you will never know if it was the kind that could last through hardship and heartaches. Even beyond all that, the dying youth fears that they have left nothing behind to say that they were here, that they made a difference, that even in their young, incomplete experience they had something incredible to say or contribute.

So, what should be done? If a young individual knows they will die, has some warning, indication, or diagnosis, how should they live out their remaining time? Go crazy- skydiving, bungee jumping, travel the world? Or do they keep working and studying in an effort to leave something more tangible? Should they work hard to find love and be loved in return or should they distance themselves in an attempt to alleviate the pain of their eventual absence? And all the things that we've tried so hard to learn, in the belief that one day we would pass it onto our children, do those things matter anymore? If we have no children, no spouse, how can we continue on? For as we've seen many times, life has to go on after death. People go back to work and back to their own worries and problems. For your parents and siblings and friends, your death will become a part of their life, but it will not define them. But maybe, like I said before, in dying we learn how to live, or at least how we wanted to or should have lived. And just maybe we will leave that awareness in those around us.

Now, before you wonder, I am not dying. Merely contemplating mortality and all that accompanies it. What I'm really after here is some feedback. What do you think? Are you living life that way you feel you should- fulfilling dreams, learning to love? **And how would you handle death if you were in the position of the young individual? What would you do?

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." ~Norman Cousins

Books Books Books!

Call me an oddity among students, but I LOVE buying my new (and used) books for each semester. Except for the price, but this is not a rant about the budget of a college student.

I moseyed through each aisle reverently taking in all the textbooks, novels, and packets, gradually filling my basket with treasures. For my British Literature class: Emma by Jane Austen, Adam Bede by George Eliot, and The Norton Anthology of English Literature Vol. 2. Three beautiful books full of exquisite writing, some tears and heartache, some laughs and even more smiles. Stories of small farm towns and bustling cities, carpenters and scientists. Women and men, poems, short stories, and novels. I'm already excited for this class.

For my Statistics 121 class: The Basic Principles of Statistics, the Stats Portal CD, and the Lecture Notes all bound for me already. I'm a little nervous about this class since I haven't had math in several years. I'm okay at math- I mean, I went all the way through Calculus. But I enjoy a challenge and I'm going to work my tail off in the class.

For my New Testament class: A working blank copy of the Bible, a student packet and this beautiful book called The Four Gospels: Verse by Verse. I already know that I don't want to sell back that last book. Throughout my BYU career I've tried to have a religion class every semester and I'm finally getting to the New Testament. Plus I have Dr. Ogden!!! I have a love for the New Testament already and can't wait to gain new insights.

For my Biology of Plants: a solitary textbook titled "Biology of Plants" with a Van Gogh painting called "Peach Blossoms in the Crau" gracing the covers. I fell in love with this book right away with its slightly worn pages and scientific diagrams as well as it's obvious deference to nature and the beauty of plants. If this person were a book, he would be a gardener with acres of land filled w ith orchards and gardens with dozens of varieties of plants and even with some plants of his own creation. We are going to be friends- I can tell.

For my Insight Magazine staff class there are no books besides the magazine issues we critique and edit. I'm continuing on the staff from last semester and just adore this class. Sister Earl is one of my all tim favorite professors (I had her for Greats Works of Literature of WWI my freshmen year)! Plus the staff is amazing, the writing is varied and fascinating, and the creative design new and challenging. This semester we will be working hard to get the magazine to print and putting it on the web for the first time ever!

For my Islam in Contemporary Society class: No textbooks have been listed yet, but I already have my Qur'an from last year. While I'm no longer minoring in Middle Eastern Studies, I am fascinated by the Islamic religion, the Muslim culture, and their role in the world today. As a child of the 9/11 generation, 9/11 being what Kennedy's assasination was to my grandparents, I learned that the world is so much more than my American and Mormon beliefs. Rather the world is fun of distinct viewpoints and diverse cultures and I cannot call myself educated, not to mention considerate, if I do not learn about the 6 billion others I share this planet with.

That seems enough, right? Well, I was browsing the discontinued textbook shelves in hopes of finding more fascinating treasures. And I selected three books/packets that I will study independently this semester/rest of my life. They are: Human Physiology Powerpoints ( a class packet that will help to prepare me when I take that class shortly.), The Student Atlas of World Politics which I got for $2 ( a must have reference book with maps of everything from GDP to literacy rates and dependence on trade!), and finally, drum roll please, Art History in two volumes covering art from the 14th century to the 21st century. My good friend Kelly is an expert at Art and Art History and has interested me enough that I want to broaden my horizons and learn to appreciate and objectively look at art work.

Plus this semester, since learning more about OpenCourseWare and all the schools that offer classes online I am going to look up other university's versions of the classes I'm taking. Does MIT offer a Stats class that could help me? Does John Hopkins have their Biology of Plants class online? Will I find a podcast about Islam in contemporary society from Berkley? I will keep exploring how I can supplement my education...

While I read my glorious new pile of books!

Reflections (Take Two)

Coupled with the two midterms of the Digital Civ class, we are asked to post a reflective blog post as a self-evaluation of how we are doing in the course. My last reflective post has a great list of things I had learned up to that point and many of the points are still true, even more so as I've expanded further.

I need to take into consideration several things as I reflect including the historical content of the class, the computing concepts, the digital literacy labs, and self-directed learning through consuming, creating, and connecting. The course learning outcomes are decribed here on canvas. I am going to separate the material by strengths and weaknesses with links to examples from my blog.

Strengths:

• Since I love history, that section of the class has been fun and relatively easy for me. I have worked to expand my knowledge from what previous knowledge I had of these historical events and people by researching ideas or aspects of the time that I knew little about or what would hace normally ignored. For example 1 2 3
• I feel that I am continuing to make quality connections between the histoy and digital concepts as well as outside of class. Examples 1 2 3
• I am doing well with keeping my posts short, but also more of a synthesis than a re-stating. Examples 1 2
• Sifting through piles of information has become second nature to me and I find myself comfortable finding the relevant and interesting ideas and information.
• I am so excited to share the new tools and resources that I am finding that I told my hairdresser the other day, my employer, someone I met on the bus, and the kid who sat at my table in the library to name a few. It's so cool I can't keep it to myself!
• Probably the one thing I am most excited about as far as my blog goes is that I've found a good balance that is "me" with my blog. I can post about the Digital Civ class history and computer concepts, but I can also post samples of my writing, express frustration, talk about other classes, play my music, and share fun news. I feel more comfortable and less stiff with the format now.

Weaknesses:

• I need to improve the amount of media that I am including in my blog and make sure that most posts have a link for more information.
• I need to increase my efforts in the area of computer and digital concepts. While I am learning at an unprecedented rate in those areas, my posting on those has been dreadfully lacking.
• In some areas I still need to go deeper and wider on a subject to really find something that engages me completely. I need to look for other ways in the class to challenge myself.

Overall, I feel excited and challenged by this class, always wanting to learn more and often running out of time to do so. I have found many tools and resources that I plan on using after this class and semster and which have changed the way I research and study. I find myself continually evaluating my learning algorithisms and making adjustment. Now I just need to push harder, climb higher, and discover more!

Free Education...just a glimpse

So I've mentioned before that I write for the Insight Magazine for the BYU Honors Program. This year I've been working on several articles including one one free education. I couldn't resist sharing a small bit of the research I've done for the article with you all. Hope you enjoy it.

193 Opencourseware Consortium Members including John Hopkins, MIT, Notre Dame, University of California-Irvine and universities all around the world with material available in 10 languages.

44 Webcast classes available online for free with more being added every semester at Webcast Berkley.

16 full languages courses and Quick Phrases and Words in 36 other languages at BBC Languages.

iTunes-U has over 350,000 free lectures, texts, and videos from universities available.

I've been a bit hard on digital technology in the past, but free education goes a long way to smooth over differences I have with the internet.

Teacher and/or Friend

Dear reader (and me)-
Can I express the consternation over a certain area of annoyance and frustration in my life? I guess this is my blog so I'll write almost whatever I choose, but still. Any comfort and or advice would be helpful.
I'm frustrated with teachers trying to educate without caring to know what is going on in my life. Without knowing to some extent the needs and struggles of the very students they teach it is hard to connect and build relationships. And without some level of a relationship, students don't want to learn or even will resist what is being taught. Some students will strive to learn no matter what because something in them loves to learn despite faulty relationships with professors. But many will withdraw from the professor, stop commenting in class, but still doing readings and assignments. I recognize that it is difficult for a professor, especially one on our extensive campus, to meet and understand each of their students. However, it has been even more difficult for me to find a professor who is actually caring what I'm saying as an individual, both in class and when I visit their office. I am just one more student in one of their classes, one more appointment they need to deal with- maybe smart, sassy, annoying, argumentative, or challenging.
At what point should I sit down, look them in the eyes, and tell them what is really going on in my life? That life is chewing me up right now and I'm fighting with everything I have to keep going. I've found some professors helpful when I approach them with a particular problem, but others I avoid approaching in those circumstances because of our relationship. I have a certain professor this semester for a class I really like. She is very welcoming of us to her office hours and encourages us to email with questions and for feedback about our papers. Yet, in class she will cut me off, tell me I'm wrong, ignore me completely or just my comment, and singles me out for mistakes. There is no way I want to go to her office to discuss my paper, much less my family and personal problems. Yet if she knew what I was dealing with, would she be nicer?
Another example. I needed to meet with one of my major advisers to get a signature on some paperwork. They rescheduled with me FIVE times. I finally waited outside the office first thing in the morning to catch this counselor. I know that was probably annoying for them, but so is being rescheduled five times!!!
It is unreasonable to want a professor or counselor to actually care about who I am, in a holistic way? Is it feasible for a professor to want to talk to me and become a friend? I certainly hope so.

Sincerely, Frustrated Student